When Words Fail, The Spirit Speaks

  I read a testimony recently about how a person within a congregation was going through a particular trial and when someone prayed, was specific enough in their prayer to request exactly what this person needed.  Even as tears filled her eyes, she was filled with gratitude and relief because she said if she’d even made the request during the sharing of concerns she’d have been unable to speak.

WE NEEDED PRAYER

Months ago my husband became ill.  Regardless, we traveled, since he felt better.  After we arrived, we didn’t make it to church and I had conversation with one of the Pastor’s at the church we attended, via text.  As the conversation continued, I asked him to call me.  My phone rang only moments later.

In a hushed tone, because I was fighting tears, said simply, “Scotty, I’m scared.  Charles is sick, but refuses to go to the doctor.”  He asked a couple questions followed with, “Can I pray with you?”   My response was “of course!”  

When he prayed he was very specific. Among other things, he asked God to ‘Let Charles be willing to go to the doctor, if he needs to go.’  After the conversation I literally felt a profound peace pour over me.  Checking on him, I asked him if he was ready to go to the doctor.  He paused and said, “Maybe”.  Then moments later said, “I’m afraid if I go, they’ll keep me.”   He, nor I, had any idea how prophetic his words were.

SOMETIMES PRAYING CAN BE HARD

Sometimes we hesitate to pray for someone because we don’t know what to pray for; we don’t ‘feel’ anything; we’re afraid of doing it ‘wrong’ or because we are so broken, we wonder if God is even listening.

Prayer isn’t about how we feel or about praying wrong.  God wants to hear our hearts.  When we are sincere in our prayers, the Holy Spirit can (and will) step in and pray for us.  Sometimes, silence with God in those moments of brokenness is the perfect starting point. 

Other times, prayers can begin with tears.  This is when our hearts are hurting and not sure what even to ask for.  The Holy Spirit comes to the rescue and intercedes on our behalf.  When we are feeling too weak to even express our emotions, the Spirit, when we surrender to Him, will speak ‘with groans that words cannot express according to God’s will.’  Romans 8:26-27 

PRAYER IS OUR LIFE-LINE

Our prayer life is our life-line to the Father.  He already knows us and knows what we need, before we ever ask.  But He’s about relationship!  He wants us to be in communication —(to literally talk with Him), and stay in close contact with him, just like you would our spouse, child or best friend.  

As humans, a relationship can only grow with others when there is conversation and ‘getting to know each other better.’  It’s no different with God.  While God is God…as humans we need to not only initiate, but continually nurture communication with him in order to know him better.  

As we grow in our faith, and draw ever closer, we can totally ‘feel’ his presence when we pray.  Perhaps not always, but it does happen.

HAVE CONVERSATION WITH GOD

We need to focus on whom we are speaking to and pray with our whole heart, telling him how we feel, whether broken, challenged, or completely happy!  He wants to hear our voice!  It grows relationship!

There are times when you are angry, or don’t understand something or have things that leave you undone!  That’s okay!  He still wants to hear from you!  And by all means when you are happy, grateful, or filled with excitement, tell him!  It’s likely it took God’s hand to make any and all of that happen!

Reach out in prayer today.  It doesn’t need to be eloquent, or pretty!  Give him praise for all that’s good, let him know you’re glad he’s God; confess ways you’re aware you’ve failed, and share your heart about your needs and desires.  Just talk to him.  Allow the Holy Spirit to enable your heart, mind and soul to pour out your thoughts, and then listen to hear Him speak.

Photo Credit: Prayer

When Our Lives Face Pruning

  Gardening  is such a rewarding  event.  It's so satisfying to see the plants pop out of the brown desolate ground into tiny plants and into full grown producing ones.  Some of the agricultural crops we’ve grown, include pumpkin, watermelon, and tomatoes, all of which grow on vines, as well as the grapes, along the edge of our driveway.

CONNECTED TO THE VINE

Jesus talked about being connected to him is like being connected to a vine.  In fact, he said, he is the ‘Vine’ and we all would have to deal with pruning—-or even being ‘pruned’.

Being ‘pruned’ can be unsettling.  The idea of any part of us being ‘cut away’ seems threatening and uncomfortable.  We may face an ‘identity crisis’ as our self-perceptions, roles or titles are stripped away while our ‘new’ identity is being formed.

IDENTIFIERS

As a new widow, this resonates with me since for 51 years, I was identified with being my husband’s wife.  It’s who I was.  Now, in some ways, I feel myself floundering as I discover who it is God wants me to be, or what he wants me to do.  I want to stay in His will, and as the layers of my old identity are being peeled away, I find myself in a brand new place.

This requires waiting without clear direction.  I feel like I am in an ‘in-between’ place while I cling to all that I was or even still am, while the new vision is coming forth.  God is teaching me the new formula for my life, and it can be scary.

   

The loss of stability and comfort from the years of ‘normalcy’ is now no longer in view.  Everything is different. Yet I can feel myself growing.  It seems daily I face my ‘first year of firsts’.  My heart races and I cry as fear and grieving override what seems like good sense.  Yet, I know God is still ‘growing’ me.

HIDDEN DEEP WITHIN

My pendulum swings of emotions leads to confusion, discouragement or even feeling very alone and forgotten.  But waiting is a part of growth.  There’s a lot of ‘hidden’ growth required and completed, even when we can’t see the fruit, as demonstrated by the tiny seed being placed in the ground in early spring.  Growth isn’t immediate.  It comes after the seed is ready underground!

While I am waiting for the ‘new growth’ to finally, not only sprout, but grow strong and steady, I must rely on God during the wind and storms that batter me about.  Sometimes the ‘challenges’ make me stumble and fall over, feeling limp and weak.  Then the sunshine comes out again and I can feel the warmth of the Father who perks me up and allows me to continue to grow. 

I know that I can lift my eyes up toward the heavens and live my life with the single life source of Jesus.   But, it takes resolve, trust, nurturing from friends, family, and other Believers, as well as, a steady diet of His Word and prayer.

STILL GROWING

The pruning process is almost never described as ‘enjoyable.’  It’s often tedious, scary, intimidating, and a place most people choose not to be.  But different seasons of life, are designed for different patterns, people, places and events that will direct our lives.

As Believers clinging to the life giving Vine, we can trust that God only wants what is best for us.  If we are patient and wait, and especially allow Him to do the pruning we need, we will have growth and maturity that will bring the rewards of good fruit, we all want to see.

Photo Credit: Growing on the vine

Fear Of Rejection--A Powerful Force

  Fear of rejection.  What a powerful force in our range of emotions. Rejection can keep us from being who we truly are, paralyze us to the point of hiding the truth about a situation we are in, or being afraid to participate in living life at all.

A lady I know well has a personality lending itself to being a ‘people pleaser’.  She’d go outside her home wearing the prettiest smile, and having the nicest demeanor, but was crying inside.  Her husband suffered from severe PTSD and it wasn’t pretty.  In his ‘moments’ she was his victim.  On many levels it could have been described as nothing less than abuse.  When she went to talk with her clergyman, he said, “You must be mistaken.  What makes you think…..?”  She was devastated.

Judgement flowed about her, loud and clear.  The response left her fearing she’d lost another part of herself.  Self-doubt radiated from her very being, leaving her wondering what to do next!

Many of us face rejection at some point in our lives.  Sometimes it starts when we are in elementary school because in some way we are different than our peers.  It may be dress, what we think, skin color, and even our faith.

We want connection, but once rejection begins, we lose all confidence in ourselves.  We hear the tiniest whisper, “You’re not good enough!” ;“You’ll never get it right.” ; or even “Why bother? Nobody cares what you think anyway.”  We become fearful of sharing who we really are, and begin avoiding relationships.  

So we try another tactic.  Regardless of who says what, we keep our thoughts private. We smile, nod, and just keeping hiding deeper and deeper within ourselves.  We become broken and reach a point where even our smile doesn’t reach our eyes.  Only those closest to us, can see that, and even if they mention it, we brush it off.

God’s Word tells a different story.  While it recognizes that fear is real, (it tells us 365 times to not fear!) it also tells us fear does not get the final word!  “God’s perfect love drives out fear.”  (1John 4:18) There is no rejection, resentment or resistance about who we are; no pretense; just His Perfect love!  

God isn’t looking for a filtered version of us, he already knows the real us!  He knows our doubts, failures, insecurity…and the truths others don’t know!  He reminds us -- ‘we are his!” (Ps. 100:3)

His love doesn’t need to be earned; we cannot be disqualified from it, and regardless of where we are in life, he will receive us right where we are.  Our circumstances do not define our identity in him.  

Rejection does not get to write our story.  He does!  We no longer need to hide, because we’ve been invited into God’s Light…to be healed and freed!  

Jesus experienced the greatest rejection ever, on the cross; and he knows just how that feels.  He even cried out, “My God, My God.  Why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15: 33-34) He was temporarily forsaken to die and reconcile us with God.  He knows shame, yet he had never sinned.  He gave all for a world who rejected him.

In Christ we have total acceptance; we are seen, and deeply loved.  It’s the kind of love that pushes out fear.  Through Him we have the courage to live authentically, love boldly, and engage in relationships without hiding the real person we are. 

Photo Credit: Rejection

When Your Discouraged From Waiting or Lack of Results

       

      Waiting is hard.  Whether we wait for answers to health questions when we go to the doctor, for enough money to pay off our bills, answers to family problems, or even for the birth of a baby (and we know it will happen in about nine months), or a hundred other reasons, we wait!  And it’s hard.

We try to be productive while we wait, just to occupy our minds.  We pray and ask for God’s guidance..and often some clue if we are on the right track.  Still we don’t see anything moving forward and it feels like nothing is happening.

THINGS ARE STILL MOVING

But just because we can’t see any forward progress does not mean something isn’t in motion.  Even the tiny seed we’ve planted in the soil must still change in hidden ways before it pokes its tiny head through.  Growth precedes visibility!  God often works during these seasons in our lives in what might also be called “hidden ways”.  He isn’t yet ready to reveal his answer (or solution).

There may be a lesson he wants us to learn, or see our faithfulness mature before we see the fruit.  Harvest time does come, but in God’s time, not ours.   Even Biblical Joseph waited…for years… to see why God had called him to this place —prison, far from home and certainly not welcoming like his home had been (minus the jealousy of his brothers!)  But God did answer, in just the perfect time and Joseph ended up not in a prison, but in a palace, with much authority!

EVERYONE WAITS FOR SOMETHING

Again, however, like Joseph, we are forced to wait, and often we become discouraged and begin to question if an answer will ever be revealed.  So we begin comparing our journey with others who’ve gone through similar circumstances.  But each of our journeys are unique.  

Yes, there are bound to be similarities, but as God’s chosen children we each have our own path to follow.  The calling on our lives are unique to each of us.  Our lessons, interactions with other people, education, interests, background, and everything about us is directed to what God wants from our lives. 

DISCOURAGEMENT SETS IN

But as discouragement sets in, we lose motivation and find other ways to fill our days.  We stop studying (whether it’s the Bible or literal classes we might be taking), we stop praying because we wonder, ‘what’s the use?’, we fall into a hole of despair which opens the door for Satan to further unnerve us, drawing us even farther away from the God who loves us.

We forget that God is all knowing.  He can see the beginning from the end.  He knows where we’ve been, and where we are going.  But we must be willing to wait and put in the effort to get there.  It means crying out to God sincerely and allow him to work in and through us.  

WE DON'T WALK OUR JOURNEY ALONE

We need to remember, that even when we can’t see immediate answers, we don’t have to walk this journey alone or in our own strength.There is purpose for the delay, one we may or may not ever know.  

We must not give up or quit.  There is reward in ‘due season.’  We can know waiting isn’t a passive exercise, but a place where God can renew us.  God in his infinite wisdom will not fail us.  He will sustain us in this process and promised to give us His strength to carry us through.  “Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.” — Isaiah 40:31

We can do this!

Photo Credit:  Waiting Is Hard

When Life Feels Like Too Much

Struggles; we all have them!  The road in front of me seems foggy and filled with uncertainty.  Time passes, and still the questions keep twisting in my heart.  Am I headed in the right direction?  Is this where God wants me to be?  Who can I rely on to keep me grounded?  What happens when I fall apart again?  When does this end?

These and what seems like a thousand other questions keep battering my sense of confidence, as each day continues to remind me of what (who) I’ve lost and a sense of aloneness, I never thought possible.  I try to rest but my mind refuses to settle in and I often wake as tired as I went to bed, and yet I know I’ve slept.  

I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE

As a Believer, I know I am not alone, but I am human.  I know that I am deeply loved by God and he has his eyes on everything that has happened --and knows what I don’t: the future!  He’s not surprised with all my questions, confusion or even my doubts, and I’m certainly not the first who's had them.

Biblically, Esther faced decisions which terrified her!  She had to face the king and perhaps death.  Abraham was told to leave a place he’d always lived and journey to places unknown, and even the disciples had questions as they followed Jesus.  This is not new to God!  In these unknowns, God was still working; still in control!

LET GOD LEAD THE NEXT STEP

I am reminded in His Word that I’m not supposed to carry this weariness, my burdens, doubts, and even my fears alone.  His Word tells me specifically, to not fear.  My head hears that, and my mind believes it, just because God said it; yet my heart yearns for answers, and a calm and peace which often seems to be just out of my reach.

Yet, again, I know if I will totally trust my Creator, he will guide me through.  God’s Word is described as a lamp for my path (Ps. 119:105).  It doesn’t say it’s a grand spotlight which will lighten the entire area or even the road, but specifically, my path, and that’s enough for just today.  When I receive it, it can give me what I need to carry on for exactly where I am in this moment, in this hour, even in this day, and use it to move forward.

MOVING ONE STEP FORWARD

Take one single step.  That's what it takes.  Deliberately moving just one step in the right direction, whether it be related to family, finances, health, work, or death of a loved one and now a ‘foggy future’, God will hold, not only me, but anyone who believes, up.  He is with us as we move in faith and obedience to His Word.  

Answers and clarity do come, and often through community. Sometimes we can find them through other Believers, friends, mentors, pastors, or just sitting with His Word and seeking His face.  

God’s not finished with those of us who struggle to get through another day.  Our story is still being written. We just need to be quiet and listen to His still, small voice and cling to an all Powerful, Loving God.

Photo Credit: Moving one step forward

When You Struggle to Believe You Matter

     

       We just celebrated Mother’s Day; a day set aside to remind us how valuable mothers are in our lives.  Aside from God, they were first to love us, nurtured us as children, took care of us even when they could barely take care of themselves due to fatigue or illness; listened when we were confused; advised us a we grew; kissed our hurts away and looked past the moments that hurt to the quick, when words were spoken, or actions taken, that were inappropriate as we became teenagers. They loved us regardless of what we did, and prayed for us through it all. 

DO I MATTER?

Still, on Mother’s Day there are times when we 'older' moms feel invisible.  We feel un-needed and simply placated when things go awry.  Our children have grown, moved away and now have families of their own. We begin to ask ourselves ‘Do I really matter to my children?  Does what I think even count anymore?’

When this little voice starts whispering, it can also affect our relationship with God.  It stretches out and we begin asking the same about God.  ‘Do I matter to God?  Does he care that I feel alone and feel like I have no value?  I pray, I try to live right, so why do I feel so alone?’

WE ARE NOT ALONE

We aren’t the first to wonder about our lives in this way.  Job questioned his very existence during the time he was being and tested and experiencing horrific loss. (Job 3) Elijah felt he was a failure in his ministry and asked God to take his life. (1Kings 19)  And even David, a ‘man after God’s own heart’, cried out to God ‘What is man that you are mindful of him?’ (Psalm 8)

What’s important in all this, is to remember that our value in not based on our productivity, spiritual performance or even our emotional stability, all of which our society holds as strong truths about who we are.  

WE MATTER BECAUSE WE ARE HIS

We matter because we are God’s child.  There’s a contemporary Christian song out called ‘The Truth’ that makes me cry often when I hear it.  I am reminded that I am his, and that’s the truth—-and that’s what matters.  

        When I’m struggling, to know who I am in this season of my life, and perhaps you do too,  we can know that He’s not waiting for me to prove myself, or to present happiness when I’m sad, or to not cry when my pain becomes intense.  He loves me right where I am, regardless of my circumstances.

I KNOW I AM LOVED

Ultimately I know my children love me too.  I know they are busy with their own lives and responsibilities.  They aren’t really rejecting me, any more than God is. They just want to be who they are supposed to be, according to their priorities, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  

So I do my best to smile, accept the ‘quiet’ and know that I’m still Mom, and they know that too.  I remember the times they needed me so much I could barely keep up and just wanted to breathe; and thank God for the gift of my children; and the blessings of grandchildren.  

And if I’m still long enough, I know that God sees me too, and I am loved—not because of what I do, but because of who I am, even in my weakness when I feel alone.  I have value, and in that, reflect the image of a God who created me and does not make mistakes.

He created you, too.  And he loves you—and you totally matter, right where you are!

Photo Credit: You Matter

His Divine Will

        I’ve recently been going through a really tough time with the loss of my husband.  It’s been almost 6 months and I still grieve.  I miss him.

When he passed I was told one of the seasons of grieving, would be anger. I’m not sure I grieved in that way.  It’s weird.  I didn’t want Charles to leave me, but I believe, because it’s scriptural that ‘our days are numbered’.  Charles had been fighting an array of medical issues since Viet Nam.  It seemed every year, there was one more thing.  Death is inevitable, but no one is ever ready.

Still if ‘our days are numbered’ would it have mattered if we had been anywhere else? (We had traveled to TN.)  If it hadn’t been heart failure, my thought process insists it would have been something else—on that very day.  

But I read recently that resigning to God’s will signifies submission to God.  But more than that, we are to accept His will with a thankful heart.  I openly admit that being thankful, at least up to this point, has not been part of my equation.  

I miss my husband and don’t want him to be gone.  I’m not sure I’m thankful.  Yet this same source says if I’m not thankful, I’m denying the wisdom and/or goodness of God!  Perhaps I’m not content with the way God is dealing with my life— his Divine Providence in my life.   Willam Law 

I wonder if the writer of this piece considered the loss of a loved one? The ache is real.  I certainly agree that in most circumstances there is a silver lining, even when things look particularly stark.  I’m an optimist and try to look on the bright side of most everything.  That doesn’t mean I’m eternally content, but it’s easier when I remember God is in charge!

As I continue this journey we call grief, maybe one day, I can see the silver lining in my Charles’ passing.  Perhaps this ‘time’ was much better than letting him suffer.  A stoke that left him paralyzed for several years or comatose, in my estimation, would have been worse, or other medical scenarios which make me cringe.

Perhaps it’s God’s way of changing the path he wants me to follow for the Kingdom, that I wouldn’t have, had I remained ‘busy in my life’ with a very sick husband.  I don’t know.  Thankfulness comes hard, but there are three things for which I am totally grateful.

The first is the community in Tennessee who held my family and me up during this critical time.  It was truly amazing.  Not only the church congregation where we worship but the hospital employees loved on us (even as strangers), held us while we cried--and cried with us, prayed with us when we prayed —holding hands around his bed, taking amazing care of Charles and did everything in their medical power to save him.  I’ve said more than once; ‘If it had to happen, I’m glad it was there.’  

Secondly, God answered a prayer which I’d been praying for a very long time.  “Lord, please don’t let him suffer.”  Understand, for years Charles fought a strong, hard battle.  Every time he got sick, he’d fight back with everything he had, and then he’d go again.  But when it came down to it, God didn’t let him suffer!  He went in the hospital on November 3 and passed on November 12.  

And lastly, and perhaps most important of all, Charles was a Born Again Believer.  He went home to be with Jesus.  I know one day, I’ll see him again.   

        As I look at my last three paragraphs, I can't help but smile.  Perhaps I’m a little more thankful than I thought!  

Photo Credit: Submission To Christ