When Tears Become Prayers

  I’ve been through a lot over the last year and a half.  After losing my husband of 51 years, my life radically changed.  Oh, the day to day stuff remained the same, but I was no longer who I once was.  The changes have been dynamic in how I view my life, what I want out of life now that I’m alone, and even where I want to live.

LIFE CHANGES

Before Charles passed, we had talked about moving off and on, for years, ---yet now, I feel ‘compelled’ to move.  It isn’t any longer just something I’d ‘like’.  I am convinced that’s a transformation directly from God.

Not everyone agrees with my decision and that jumbles up how I feel…but it isn’t about me; it’s about being obedient.  So with God’s strength, I’m going to do it.

GOD WAS WITH ME

As I look back over the past months, I can see God working in my life.  There was a time when I felt totally ‘powerless.’  I was confused, lonely, totally upended by what life had handed me, yet my faith reminded me, God was with me. 

MY TEARS BECAME PRAYERS

My prayer life changed when Charles died,  Many nights (or even during the day) I cried out to the Father.  I needed direction. Most times all I did was begin… and then cried.  Tears flowed since I had no words.  I didn’t even know what to ask for. But I knew God heard me, even though reaching out to Him took deliberate effort!

The last thing I wanted was to take the privilege of prayer for granted.  But honestly I just didn’t know how to pray anymore.  I’d never been in this place of deep grief.  

It’s easy when we are distraught to just pray a routine, mechanical prayer because we are numb.  We can become complacent and forget about God’s blessings; especially since in ‘this dark place’ we are not feeling blessed!  We lose the ‘wonder’ of being with God and even in his grace.

PRAYER CONNECTED ME WITH GOD

So as I knelt by my bed, night after night, it was with deliberate effort, that I reached out…asking for one moment, one hour, one day at a time for His strength, because I was drained.  I had nothing left.  Gradually I realized it had been a month, and while the tears still came regularly, I could tell He was listening.  Prayer connected me to the God of the Universe who is all-powerful.  He was with me when the burden I carried had become too heavy to bear alone.  I had to place it in His hands and allow him to heal my heart.

Once I recognized my need to give it all to Him, I could identify what I needed.  I desired to have intimacy with my ‘Abba Poppa’….the One who knew me better than I knew myself.  

WORKING ON A RELATIONSHIP

Relationships grow when there is interaction and a genuine desire to bond with the one we are with.  He recognizes genuine trust, faith and belief in who He is.  That doesn’t mean I’m everything I need to be, or even close.  But it does mean I’m trying.  I still fail.  I’m human and there are days when things seem ‘wonky’.  I wonder; I question; and even doubt—-although I totally should not!

I’m still trying desperately to trust His character, enjoy His presence, and learning to recognize God’s voice one day at a time.  Through prayer I am getting to know Him more deeply.  I’m fellowshipping with God!  He’s drawing me closer to Him! What a gift He’s given me! 

THE RIGHT PATH FOR MY JOURNEY

 

Even when I fail, God is still God, and He has placed me in a community where I’m surrounded with others who genuinely trust and believe in an all-powerful God. That helps keep me on the right path of my journey.  I am grateful for the power we receive from God, as we allow him to heal us and bring us through the hard times, which we all face from time to time.

PRAYER --ONE DAY AT A TIME

A year and a half ago, I felt powerless and uncertain of who I was becoming. Today, I still have questions, and there are days that feel ‘wonky’, but I know this much: prayer has drawn me closer to the heart of my Father. The same God who carried me through my deepest grief is still transforming me, strengthening me, and gently teaching me to trust Him one day at a time.

Photo Credit: Being On A Journey 

Prayer Changes Me

A dear couple I know, some years back, became active in their local church, after long years of determined negativity, about a relationship with Christ at all.  

LIFE HAPPENS

        I was delighted.  It seemed like an answered prayer…and it was... until everything changed.  A few years later, under bizarre circumstances, the couple ended in divorce.  

       The wife was devastated as she and the children watched the husband and father begin leading a brand new life far away.

Church stopped and depression set in for the wife while the children grew angry at their circumstances.  This certainly is not a unique situation.  Sadly, divorces happen all the time, but it didn’t make it any easier for the family left behind.

PRAYERS LIFTED

Many prayed for the couple, yet nothing changed.  Add to this a family member passed away and the woman became even more distraught.  I told her all we could do was pray.  While her negative reaction didn’t surprise me, I tried to encourage her that God is always with us.  Again, the pain surfaced and she commented that she wasn’t sure about that.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE

So I followed with, “Don’t you believe anymore?”  She answered with painful tears flowing down her face, yet without bitterness, “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”  I hugged her, assured her I believed, and she left.

Since that time, I have prayed for the family and honestly I’m not sure even now I’ve seen any change.  I feel horrible for them and have nothing to offer but my love and prayers.  I can’t change what’s happened, either with the husband or family member who passed.  What’s a friend to do?

UNANSWERED PRAYERS

Sometimes frustrations can set in when circumstances don’t change, since it feels like ‘an unanswered prayer.’  Other times we get impatient with God’s timing and end up feeling stuck spiritually.  There seems to be no answer.  I expect that is how my friend feels.  

I remember back before Charles was diagnosed with PTSD.  I prayed and prayed that whatever it was that caused him to respond or react to unnamed triggers would stop.  There were times when I was at a loss of what to do.  All I had was prayer.  I couldn’t talk about it; most people never witnessed the episodes. I felt lost and alone.  Who would even believe me?  All I had was God, yet for the longest time there seemed to be no end to situation.

PRAYER CHANGED ME

My prayers didn’t change Charles, but it did change me. I knew I wasn’t alone and the tears I cried, God caught in his bottle. He was holding me even when I felt alone. My prayer became ‘Lord, help me deal,’ and He did.  Then Charles agreed to get help.  It was amazing, even if the situation wasn’t perfect, it was so much better.

As I, even now, hold on to this mindset, I’ve got to believe and pray that one day my friend will also recognize that God is with her.  God has not left her, He’s still there; even if she may never get the answers she wants. This doesn’t mean God always changes our circumstances immediately. Sometimes He wants to teach us that He is present in the middle of them. 

GOD IS STILL GOD

The truth that God wants us to reach out to him when we are in our darkest hour is as true today, as it was for the Israelites when they were stopped in front of the Red Sea,  certain they were going to be killed by the coming army.

God parted the Red Sea.  He was with them all the while and was trying to teach them to trust him for the outcome.   We all deal with circumstances, sometimes beyond our control, which threaten to overtake us.  Darkness moves in, fear grows louder and we begin asking questions we never thought we’d ask like, ‘God, ‘Are you still there?’  

GOD HAS NOT LEFT US 

There are plenty of things we may not understand this side of heaven.  Life happens.  Prayers seem delayed and loss will enter our lives. But I completely believe God has not left us, even when circumstances don’t change.

God is still listening, working and always present in our lives.  And sometimes faith is simply choosing to whisper, ‘God, I know you haven’t left me’— until our hearts believe it again.

Photo Credit: Praying

The Privilege Of Prayer

  Over the years, it has struck me as ‘odd’ that people would contact me and ask for prayer because they say,  ‘I know your prayer is heard’ or ‘I know you prayers matter’….. or some other (to me) bizarre reason.  My prayers are no more important than anyone else’s.  Each of those requests could have certainly begun with them praying.

PATTERNS OF PRAYER

I’ve read a lot about praying, and how it should be done.  There are several patterns for prayers, so you can do it in a specific order, and other nuances which makes prayer a special time.  Honestly, I don’t know if I do it right; I just talk to God like He’s my best Friend!  

JUST CHATTING

Anyone who walks up behind me, may at any given moment, hear me audibly whisper a prayer of praise or call out for help!  

SERIOUS PRAYER

Our Sunday School class is studying about prayer based on the prayer Jesus gave during the Sermon On the Mount— ‘The Lord’s Prayer’.  The writer is very specific about certain areas and gives heavy weight to each line.  It’s been totally interesting, insightful and can leave a person wondering if ‘I’ll ever get it right!’

A BEST FRIEND

Yet one of the most power illustrations of prayer I’ver heard, was remarkably simple.  There was a sick man on his bed, I guess in essence knowing he was nearing his last days.  There was a conversation about prayer and he was advised to talk to Jesus just like he was talking to his best friend.  

One day as was customary, someone came to visit, and found the old man leaning over the side of the bed with his head resting on the seat of the chair. Apparently, he liked the chair there because he’d picture Jesus sitting there and talk to him.  He passed away in that position, with the indication that he laid his head in the lap of his best friend.  

I don’t know that I’ve ever pictured Jesus right in front of me while I pray, but I do look up, even at night, in the darkness, while on my knees.  Yet I feel like He’s looking down and listening!  

A CONVERSATION WITH GOD

And yes, I talk to Him, just like I talk to anyone else— or in the way I write!  But it’s personal.  The conversation is real.  There are times when, after I share what’s on my mind or heart, that my mind gets brand new images, or lines of scripture or a random thought I was surprised to hear.  In my mind, that’s God responding.  Sometimes all I can do is cry, smile and say ‘thank you’!

One of my favorite ways, or times, to pray is first thing in the morning before the world comes rushing in and filling my mind with questions, problems and all those ‘things’ that ruffle feathers, and raise blood pressure!  

A HEART FULL OF GRATITUDE

I positively love coming to the Lord, smiling with a heart full of gratitude and just say, “Lord, I’m not coming to ask for anything this morning.  I just want to sit at your feet and be in Your presence.”  Then I just wait….silently, and the goose bumps begin forming all over my being, as Christ’s presence rains down.

AN AMAZING PRIVILEGE

What a privilege we have, by being able to go to the Throne of Grace, one on one, with the Creator of the Universe.  My prayers, requests, problems, struggles or any other descriptor is different than yours or anyone else’s, but they’re not unique. We all have them.  But I choose to take those moments and revel in worship, to the God I serve.

Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?  Isn’t that how relationships are shaped and grow?  Isn’t time the best thing you can give a child—or spouse?  Why not God?  He is the ultimate friend!

IT'S ABOUT RELATIONSHIP

What started as a ‘discipline’—  regular prayer time— has become a time that I rejoice in.  There is no greater love than what we can receive from our Almighty Father.  And as His child, I want nothing more than to spend quality time with Him.  After all, that’s what relationships are built on.

Photo Credit: Prayer

Reasonable Requests

  My daughter, who at the time, lived ten hours away, called me and said, “Mom, come save me!  Come watch my kids for the afternoon!  I feel horrible!”  She and her Air Force husband had four small children, one six months, eighteen months, three and five.  When she called she had a kidney infection, was in intense pain and her husband totally unavailable.

Of course her request was completely unreasonable since there was no way I could be at her home in the same afternoon, yet she knew if she had lived close enough, I would certainly have come to her aid.  

When the disciples were in the boat crossing the lake, as the scripture from Matthew 8:27 describes, there erupted a horrible storm.  The disciples were sure they would perish, yet Jesus slept.  They woke him and asked the seemingly impossible:  “Save us!”  What did they really consider he might do?  He was their Master, and they knew, the Son of God.   But I wonder if they really gave his actions consideration?  Even if they didn’t know how, they trusted he would come to their aid.

Jesus did the impossible.  He spoke to the winds and the waves and they calmed.  The disciples were awed.  What kind of man could speak to the weather and have it do as commanded?  Only God —only the Son of God.

There are days when I am faced with decisions and situations where surely I say, “Lord save me! I cannot do this on my own!”  I suspect we all do from time to time. Do we believe, however, that we really might receive help since from our perspective there aren’t any answers?  And if the situation seems impossible, why even ask for help? Certainly, when my daughter made her request of me, she knew I could not help her.  

What would have happened if instead of calling on me, she called on God and said, “God save me!  The ones I love are many miles away and cannot come to my aid.  Send aid in some form because I cannot handle this on my own.”  Her request would have been completely reasonable to God, unlike her request to me.  

I was powerless to aid her, yet at a breath away, was Christ.  I haven’t any idea how God might have helped her.  He might have dismissed the pain or sent someone to relieve her of the duties to her children, so she could seek the needed medical care.   

Sometimes, it isn’t even about those miracles we think we need.  There are days when the ‘little stuff’ just causes a panic, but we don’t think they’re big enough to bring before the God of the universe.  

Have you ever thought about God helping you find a good parking spot or strength to get your shopping done, help finding your lost keys (or phone), peace before making (or receiving) a phone call or even courage for making a doctor appointment?

As a widow, I don’t think I’ve asked God to bring companionship into my life for the lonely evenings, but I have told Him I am lonely. Nights are just hard. It’s so quiet and I feel so alone.  I’m not talking about a ‘romantic situation’….just a friend to be with sometimes.

There are plenty of tired mommas around us.  There’s nothing wrong with praying for help with exhaustion, children’s attitudes, sleep, or even the never ending to-do list, or housework!  In the workplace, paperwork, and attitudes of co-workers, the drive, or workload, are other circumstances, we can bring to a Father, who cares about the world we live in.

We are all likely guilty of forgetting that God is always there and always ready to do the impossible, especially in a crisis.  We look to others to help us, which isn’t a bad thing; but first we need to look to God and lay our issues at his feet.  We need only to believe and expect the miracle in whatever form it comes—even if it isn’t immediate.  

But we also need to remember, that God cares about our day to day lives, too.  He wants to be a part of it, regardless of how big or how small our need is. He is after all, the Perfect Loving Father, and he desires only the best in our lives. 

What need could God help you with today?

Photo Credit: Getting Help 

The Overflow of Grace

  I have a friend who has long moved away from where I live, to the mid-west, who seemed to ‘drain the life out of me.’  She and her husband would come visit Charles and me and before the afternoon or evening was over, I was just ‘done’!  

It seemed every conversation, every event, and every difficulty in life just seemed to go sideways and carried a heaviness with it.  Nothing ever seemed to go right. Life seemed more than she could carry.  It was exhausting!

BUBBLING OVER WITH KINDNESS

What I’ve noticed is there are other people who you love being around because the opposite happens.  There are those who bubble over with excitement yet bring calm in the storm, kindness when the world seems hard, tenderness when life seems cruel, and joy even in a dark room!  

They create an exhilaration that is contagious. You can’t help but be buoyed by their energy and inspired by their sense of purpose in life! Those are the kind of people that fill your heart with all things good!

WHEN TIMES ARE GENUINELY HARD

When Charles passed, I can’t help wonder if I didn’t come across in way that drained people from time to time.  I was broken and sad.  Still I tried hard to stay focused on the One who could keep me from falling down and never climbing out of that ‘woe is me’ hole, that is so easy to fall into.  

These are the days when I felt like saying, ‘I barely have enough for myself—-how in thunder can I pour out into others?’  It made writing excruciatingly difficult!

ABUNDANCE DOESN'T STOP WITH US

What I needed to realize is that abundance doesn’t stop with us.  We aren’t meant to soak in all that abundant goodness and not let it leach out into others.  It’s supposed to flow like the air we breathe, from one person to another.  God tells us in His Word that He will give us what we need to do every good work.  When we give out good, —-even good that seems small, —it can cause a ripple effect that can flow in all directions.

God is not going to leave us dry and empty when we reach out to Him.  He is our Lifeline to an ‘abundant life.’   He is the only one who can fill us with an inexpressible joy, along with a peace and calm that can barely be defined.  It’s Him flowing through us—-even when we feel unable to keep moving forward.

CREATING ENERGY THAT OVERFLOWS

The kindness someone shares with us creates energy and purpose for us to share with others.  The Holy Spirit uses these actions to empower and fill us to over flowing.  And, we don’t even need to feel like we are overflowing to start giving.  It flows naturally out of us when we surrender our lives to our loving Father in Heaven.

Most of us live lives filled with some kind of hardship.  Others come along beside us and help us take another step forward, giving their lives purpose.   And then we are able, with the help of the Spirit, to walk along someone else who needs comfort due to profound grief, or peace that radiates through our being, joy that gives boundless energy, strength in their weakness or even a hope that refuses to fade.

LIVING THE ABUNDANT LIFE

That is living the abundant life God intended—not a life free from hardship.  His presence, peace and power is available to us and can flow through us into others when we let Him fill us.  We can all live that life.  In fact….  if He is with you…  you are already walking in it.

Photo Credit: Grace