When Faith Takes The Next Step

 

         Almost two years ago, my life changed.  I became a widow.  I’ve been a believer since childhood, yet I struggled with where my life would take me now.  There were bills to pay, finances in general to figure out, what I’d do with the rest of my life, how and where I’d live and a hundred other questions.  

       I had no problem ‘believing in God’.  He’d been part of my life for years.  The bigger question was did I ‘trust’ him in faith, for the right answers, now that I’m alone?

DOES GOD REALLY ANSWER PRAYERS?

My own issues reminded me of a conversation between two ladies a few years back, when the first lady advised the second to pray about her questions and problems.  The second looked at her friend in disbelief and said, “Look where I am now! Do you really believe God answers prayers?”  To which her friend said, “It’s the best way to ask!”

TRUSTING WHAT WHO CAN'T SEE

Faith is no small matter. We are being asked to trust Someone we cannot see. This is hard especially when our lives and world are falling apart.  For an unbeliever, the idea that some unknown entity could hear a request and grant it, seems like a fantasy.  In the highest peak of their agony, they must not only deal with whatever has befallen them, but must admit there is someone to pray to!  

This is quite a step for those who have been hurt or not brought up in the church where prayer is said, or in a situation where prayer was done for show, like the Pharisees of the Bible were guilty.  

A prayer is just words when they’re spoken without believing someone is listening.  Yet it is in times of crisis many who claim they don’t believe in any God at all, will call out to Him.

DURING HARD SEASONS

  Even for a believer, when times are bad and faith isn’t strong, prayer, in faith, seems cloudy.  We find ourselves in situations where pain is so great, it would seem no one can help— like someone dealing with physical abuse, or parents facing their rebellious teenagers involved with substance abuse, or even a grieving widow struggling to make sense of her new normal.  

During dark or hard seasons, when nothing seems to bring any comfort, our spirit grows weary and even our faith can begin to falter.  Guilt among other emotions, make us feel responsible for the circumstances.

GOD REMAINS CLOSE

At these most desolate moments in our lives, God is closest and “carries” us rather than just “holding our hand.”  He has never left our side.  Rather it is we, who through circumstances, have a weak and wavering faith.  

TRUSTING GOD THROUGH THE JOURNEY

Imagine Noah who was asked to build an ark, yet had never seen rain; or Abraham being told to go—-but given no specific destination; or Sarah who was told she’d have a child at a very old age.  All of these Biblical heroes believed…. but the had to trust that God would help ‘get them there!’  

None of them simply believed once and never struggled again. Their faith was tested over and over.  It wasn’t easy and sometimes it didn’t seem to make any sense!   They each encountered doubts and struggles and even failures.  Each step on their journey, required trusting God all over again!

FAITH BEGINS WITH BELIEVING

I’ve heard it said that ‘faith begins with believing—  but it doesn’t end there.’ It isn’t just believing God exists, ---yet we must believe, because that is what God expects.  His faithfulness is part of his character.  But beyond our belief, is actually acting on it. 

When we earnestly call out to Him and believe that he hears our hearts and understands our needs, He will see us through. It may not be immediate, because our timeline is not necessarily God’s.  There will be struggles, and likely more questions!

FAITH, BELIEVING--AND TRUST

But we have assurance in Scripture, that God rewards those who earnestly seek him.   He will answer our prayer, even if it isn’t how we expected.  By faith we can rest in knowing that his answer will come--and be, ---just what we needed, when we needed it. 

        Our part is to believe-- and then act on that belief. The steps we take. reveal that we believe God will answer our request in the very best way, because His answers are always shaped by His wisdom, not simply by our wishes. That’s faith taking the next step!

Photo Credit: Taking Steps

The Heart Of The Matter

  I remember in college when my professor was teaching about ‘behavior modification’ and the idea that behaviors, both good and bad, could be learned and unlearned.  The main ‘participants’ for this research was dogs, but the idea was to transfer to children.

While I admit there is validity to the concept, even then I had a terrible time accepting the idea as positive proof.  Dogs were all about their bellies!  When they were hungry with a promise of food, absolutely they would be obedient and the change was obvious.  

         It’s more complex with children who have personalities, their own emotions, characteristics, and DNA.  Having had five children, I can attest to the fact they’re all different! 

DOING WHAT IS EXPECTED 

When I consider the relationship we have with Christ, I wonder if there are days He just shakes his head!  There are those who do all the right things: go to church, read His Word, serve, volunteer, and say all the right things; all of which are behaviors which can be measured, likely by any human interested enough to take note.

Sometimes, however, even when doing all the right things, underneath all these outward acts of obedience, a resistance and even resentment grows, because these behaviors of doing everything good --is what’s expected of a believer.  

        It isn’t they believe being a believer is wrong, but it is about boxes being checked so anyone looking on will think everything is right— that we have everything in control.

LOCKING THE ‘DOOR’S TO ROOMS IN OUR HEARTS 

Control, however, doesn’t always make us happy.  That anger we try to hide from losing a friend to cancer; having financial difficulties we want don’t want anyone to know about, forgiveness we find hard to give, or a hundred other things we don’t want noticed, we refuse to surrender to the One who can change our hearts.  

        Fear quietly closes doors inside our hearts. We lock the rooms we don’t want to let anyone in, convincing ourselves they’re off limits and hope no one —including God— will ask for the key!  

        If we acknowledge it, we’ll have to change it!

So we do all the right things and focus on only what others can see, while inside we’re being eaten away by those things over which we have no control --and yet won’t admit.  Instead of giving it to God, we’re saying ‘I can manage on my own!’

CHOICES

Just as each of my children eventually had to choose whether they would trust the wisdom we tried to teach them, as believers, we must decide whether we will choose God’s way or insist on relying ourselves.  Are we able to surrender our lives, and trust that His way is always better than ours?

When our heart isn’t aligned with God, we attempt to manage our ‘behavior’ and reduce our relationship with Him.  Our motives put up a door that we refuse to open because we don’t want to admit that we’re fearful of what God will see, if we open it.  Or— that if we open that door, we might need to make some changes within that room!

NOT PERFORMANCE MEASUREMENTS

Our relationship with God is not about performance of a measurable behavior.  It’s about accepting the God who loves us ‘just because we are’.  As we yield our lives to Him, surrendering even those things that need a little reshaping, the relationship will change our heart. This single act of obedience will grant us peace we can never have when we’re trying to ‘manage’ things that will only destroy us, when left unchecked.

As our hearts are changed, we become more like the God who loves us and wants our ‘good works’ to be accomplished because of our relationship with Him, not because we want our deeds measured by those around us.

Photo Credit:  Behavior Modification 

Held By His Faithfulness

 

  My Charles was sick for a long time before either of us knew what was wrong.  As a Marine on the ground during Vietnam, he and all the other Marines with him, were covered in a poison meant to kill the underbrush they were navigating.  It worked wonderfully, clearing their path to their next destination— but it also created another path— one that ate and killed the insides of all those men.

    MORE CHALLENGES

On top of all this, was PTSD and a gun shot wound.  Charles survived the war physically, but ultimately was 100% disabled.  As time passed, the outer wounds healed, but the inner scars remained.  

This time of year, especially July 4, was particularly bad for him.  This was the day, all those years ago, he was shot.

GOD MET US WHERE WE WHERE

Over the years the PTSD worsened, as did his physical abilities tied to Agent Orange.  We prayed for healing—sometimes just for another day to get through.  

God met us where we were.  He provided medical services to help maintain some sense of dignity and balance, with all the physical issues.  The PTSD was a bit of a different animal since that was diagnosed forty years after we were married.  Still God was with us. We were thankful for another day—for the good moments.

SOMETIMES YOU WONDER

Even as I write this, I know there were days when I asked God, “How long, Lord?  When are things going to get better?”

During these long months and years of dealing with the health issues, I can reflect, and in hindsight see that we both grew in our walk with God.  

FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

Charles grew up in an entirely different faith than I was raised in.  He had to discover that God was faithful and that His power was beyond anything he’d ever believed.  That takes time when you add the ‘war component.’

WAR CHANGES YOU

War does things to a heart and mind.  The eyes see horrific things as the body follows the orders of those in charge, never knowing if you’ll be the next one to fall and not rise up again.  He knew God was ‘somewhere’—-  but was He with him?  All through the war Charles carried a little New Testament Bible in his pocket and clung to that, but he didn’t have that ‘personal relationship’ that came with salvation, until after he returned home some years later.

REALIZING GOD IS AT WORK

With the belief that God was really alive and well, Charles began to see God working, even when he didn’t understand; —-even when his PTSD would flare and jumble his thoughts and create a fear in him he couldn’t explain or even want to admit.

As his faith grew, mine did too.  Because of all the health issues, we knew his days were numbered, even though we didn’t talk about it.  His organs within were being compromised daily.  How can that happen when you believe that ‘God is good?’ or ‘Where is God in this?’

DEATH DOESN'T GET THE FINAL WORD

Knowing that God is faithful, and all powerful, gave us the strength to recognize that when he was told he only had three to five days to live, that he would be totally healed when this battle on Earth was through.  It reminded us that God would keep His promise.  Death would not have the final word.

Did knowing that take away the pain?  No, not at all; and it still makes me cry.  But I know…as did Charles when we got the news, that we all have something to offer while we are still on this earth.  And even leading up to this point, as things worsened, he’d say, “God’s not done with me yet.  I still have work to do.”

GOD KNEW WHAT WE NEEDED

God really is good, even as my heart shattered.  Charles was able to accept the news and was able to talk with all our children and his siblings before he passed. 

When Charles’ time came, God, already knew what we needed.  He faithfully carried us to the very end of his Earthly journey and welcomed Charles into His eternal embrace.  Looking back now, I don’t just remember the sorrow.  I remember the  faithfulness of God who never left us —not for a single day.

Photo Credit: Faith In Suffering 

Knowing His Character Changes Ours

 

  There have been days when I looked in the mirror and saw a reflection which made me cringe!  I asked myself… ‘What in the world happened to the young woman I used to see?'  I have to remind myself that time changes how we look; we age and the winkles and everything that comes with it is just there!

I'M CHANGED

But then I ‘pick myself up’, stick a pin in that bubble and remember that just because I no longer have that ‘youthful look’ I am who God created!  My heart (spiritually) and my mind have been transformed into an ever-learning Christian woman, who has watched children and grandchildren grow, went to college late in life, lost my husband of 51 years; and has years and years of life experiences!

WHO--OR WHAT- DO PEOPLE SEE?

Then my mind runs on a bunny trail asking, 'Who do people think I am?'  Do they see the woman who gets frustrated to tears when I’m lonely, or when I have a bad day?  Does my heart for people show up when there’s a need?  Am I careful about what I say and yet willing to share my faith?

I’m glad God cares more about my heart than my appearance.  There are days when I look just awful.  I try to maintain a ‘decent look,’ but when I’m down, sad, or not feeling good those feelings can mess with that!  But does my appearance have anything to do with my character—about who I am on the inside?

LIFE CHANGES US

We come into the world with unique personalities. Then life begins shaping us through our families, education, successes, disappointments, relationships, and experiences. Yet beneath all those influences lies something even deeper—our integrity, faithfulness, compassion, and the beliefs that guide our choices. Those are the qualities that reveal our true character.

REVEALING OUR CHARACTER

How we respond to any given situation, good or bad, reveals our character.   As believers the goal is to have the character of Christ.  God has a perfect character and Jesus perfectly revealed that character while living among us.  Even when sin handed him the crucifixion, His character remained perfect.

I know when I get anxious several things happen.  My mind goes into overdrive and I imagine all kinds of nonsense, with all kinds of questions!  I talk faster than normal and become edgy.  When I’m angry or sad, I cry.  When I’m lonely or revisiting memories, I also cry—and I’m good at crying when I’m happy, as well!  Crying seems to be my ‘go-to’!  

HARD SEASONS

Hardships and struggles happen to all of us at some time or other.  It could be finances, health, relational or a hundred other things.  What is our response when something surprises us?  Hard seasons don’t create our character nearly as much as they reveal it.

Who are we when nobody is watching?  I’ve heard it said that ‘Who we are when no-one sees, is truly who we are.’  That can be scary!

GOD'S CHARACTER

God’s character is faithful, gracious, compassionate, patient, loving, just, and everything good.  Where do I fit in those places?  Do I reflect His heart?  I know there are times when I fail; likely we all do to some degree.  We’re human and we all have flaws.

But despite all our flaws we have a God who cares about us anyway!  He is the ultimate role model.  As our lives are lived, with all kinds of events daily, which can turn our day upside down, I wonder how often we demonstrate God’s character ---or do we demonstrate our own?  

But then it makes me wonder how we can demonstrate God’s character if we don’t know Him!?  We spend a great deal of time trying to become better people. We work on our patience, our kindness, our self-control. Yet perhaps we've been starting in the wrong place. 

CHARACTER ISN'T CREATED'

Character isn't something we can create. It grows naturally as we come to know the One whose image we are being transformed into. The more we know Christ, the more His character quietly begins to appear in us.  Perhaps demonstrating the character of God requires some serious, heart searching.  When people look at our lives ---are we mirroring Christ? 

Photo Credit: Mirror

When Tears Become Prayers

  I’ve been through a lot over the last year and a half.  After losing my husband of 51 years, my life radically changed.  Oh, the day to day stuff remained the same, but I was no longer who I once was.  The changes have been dynamic in how I view my life, what I want out of life now that I’m alone, and even where I want to live.

LIFE CHANGES

Before Charles passed, we had talked about moving off and on, for years, ---yet now, I feel ‘compelled’ to move.  It isn’t any longer just something I’d ‘like’.  I am convinced that’s a transformation directly from God.

Not everyone agrees with my decision and that jumbles up how I feel…but it isn’t about me; it’s about being obedient.  So with God’s strength, I’m going to do it.

GOD WAS WITH ME

As I look back over the past months, I can see God working in my life.  There was a time when I felt totally ‘powerless.’  I was confused, lonely, totally upended by what life had handed me, yet my faith reminded me, God was with me. 

MY TEARS BECAME PRAYERS

My prayer life changed when Charles died,  Many nights (or even during the day) I cried out to the Father.  I needed direction. Most times all I did was begin… and then cried.  Tears flowed since I had no words.  I didn’t even know what to ask for. But I knew God heard me, even though reaching out to Him took deliberate effort!

The last thing I wanted was to take the privilege of prayer for granted.  But honestly I just didn’t know how to pray anymore.  I’d never been in this place of deep grief.  

It’s easy when we are distraught to just pray a routine, mechanical prayer because we are numb.  We can become complacent and forget about God’s blessings; especially since in ‘this dark place’ we are not feeling blessed!  We lose the ‘wonder’ of being with God and even in his grace.

PRAYER CONNECTED ME WITH GOD

So as I knelt by my bed, night after night, it was with deliberate effort, that I reached out…asking for one moment, one hour, one day at a time for His strength, because I was drained.  I had nothing left.  Gradually I realized it had been a month, and while the tears still came regularly, I could tell He was listening.  Prayer connected me to the God of the Universe who is all-powerful.  He was with me when the burden I carried had become too heavy to bear alone.  I had to place it in His hands and allow him to heal my heart.

Once I recognized my need to give it all to Him, I could identify what I needed.  I desired to have intimacy with my ‘Abba Poppa’….the One who knew me better than I knew myself.  

WORKING ON A RELATIONSHIP

Relationships grow when there is interaction and a genuine desire to bond with the one we are with.  He recognizes genuine trust, faith and belief in who He is.  That doesn’t mean I’m everything I need to be, or even close.  But it does mean I’m trying.  I still fail.  I’m human and there are days when things seem ‘wonky’.  I wonder; I question; and even doubt—-although I totally should not!

I’m still trying desperately to trust His character, enjoy His presence, and learning to recognize God’s voice one day at a time.  Through prayer I am getting to know Him more deeply.  I’m fellowshipping with God!  He’s drawing me closer to Him! What a gift He’s given me! 

THE RIGHT PATH FOR MY JOURNEY

 

Even when I fail, God is still God, and He has placed me in a community where I’m surrounded with others who genuinely trust and believe in an all-powerful God. That helps keep me on the right path of my journey.  I am grateful for the power we receive from God, as we allow him to heal us and bring us through the hard times, which we all face from time to time.

PRAYER --ONE DAY AT A TIME

A year and a half ago, I felt powerless and uncertain of who I was becoming. Today, I still have questions, and there are days that feel ‘wonky’, but I know this much: prayer has drawn me closer to the heart of my Father. The same God who carried me through my deepest grief is still transforming me, strengthening me, and gently teaching me to trust Him one day at a time.

Photo Credit: Being On A Journey