Waiting For The Two By Four

  I’ve been reading a new book which involves several weekly assignments.  I was talking with a friend about extending the time frame for the exercises.  During the conversation I suddenly realized something I hadn’t expected.  What I thought was simply a personal project had suddenly become something much bigger— a calling.

The moment I recognized it, my heart leapt. Excitement filled my soul.  I never saw it coming.  But isn’t that just like God?  He quietly whispers, “I have something for you to do.  Are you listening?’

HIT ME WITH A TWO BY FOUR

Listening is hard.  It’s hard for children, hard for adults who are going through hard times, and it’s even hard for believers to listen…especially to God!  We seem so uncertain about His voice.  We feel like we need to be ‘hit over the head with a two by four’!  In fact I’ve actually asked for his guidance just like that from time to time, because I was frustrated with feeling like I wasn’t hearing.

WHAT DOES GOD WANT FROM ME?

We want desperately to do what God wants, but we aren’t at all sure we know! Often I’ve felt like Samuel when God called his name and he ran to Eli, thinking it was his call he was hearing.  Eli finally realized what was happening and instructed Samuel how to respond.  It wasn’t about Samuel having an extraordinary sense of hearing, —but rather was about Samuel learning to recognize the voice of the One who was calling him.

HEARING GOD’S VOICE

As we continue to read and search scripture and learn more about God’s character we come more familiar with God’s voice.  Listening and ‘hearing’ isn’t something reserved for mature believers.  It’s a discipline that’s developed over time as we draw nearer to our Creator.  Samuel was young, but God had something important for him to do. 

He wants us to hear Him.  It’s the part of ‘relationship’ that is as important to Him as it is to us.  But it’s equally important that we recognize who God is and stand in awe of His power.  And Jesus reminds us, His sheep know His voice because they know their Shepherd through relationship.

IS IT ME OR IS IT GOD?

We want assurance that what we think we hear isn’t our own desires, emotions, or even fears which can scream loudly or makes us wonder, ‘Is this really God speaking’?  If it’s something we’re afraid of, we struggle with, ‘can I even do what I’m thinking’.  Other times we become concerned with ‘Is this something I want and that’s why I think God’s telling me to go with it?  Or even an overwhelming sense of intuition that you are doing the right thing….  and it may totally be God….  but what if it’s an emotional response to what you want to have happen?

GOD IS FAITHFUL

God’s character is faithful.  So when I wonder if it’s God speaking, I’ve learned to ask myself, ‘Does what I’m sensing agree with His character and His Word?’  That question has become an anchor for me. 

Sometimes God’s voice comes as a persistent thought that refuses to be shaken, or a scripture that keeps showing up.  Sometimes He shows up a conversation that is almost to coincidental, a door opening…or closing and sometimes a gentle nudge from His Spirit.  And yes…sometimes it’s like a bolt of lightning.  

LISTENING….AND HEARING!

Today, God totally showed up in an unplanned conversation combined with an ‘oh my goodness’ bolt of lightning that left me feeling electric!

I've learned that hearing God isn't always about waiting for a dramatic sign. More often, it's about walking closely enough with Him that His voice becomes familiar. The closer we draw to Him through His Word, prayer, and obedience, the easier it becomes to recognize the Shepherd's voice when He calls.

       And when He does...there is nothing more exciting than discovering He has been speaking all along.  Today’s truth wasn’t a coincidence. It was one of those moments when I could almost hear God whisper, “Did you notice Me?”

Photo Credit: Listening For God's Voice 

God Is Good ---Even When Life Isn't

 

  The very idea that it’s easy to praise God when life is good sounds kind of trite to me.  Yes, it’s easy to be happy and project joy when medical bills are paid and health is restored, when our marriage is strong and happy, when finances are in a good place and the future looks like we’re conquering the world, with all the right decisions.

WHEN THINGS FALL APART

But what happens when our health fails and medical bills mount up so that our finances are stretched so thin it looks like a pin stuck in sheer plastic would burst it to pieces; or you lose a spouse and the future is uncertain?

I was talking with a close friend recently who has come upon ‘hard times’. The couple has strong faith and believes ultimately God has a plan, but so far they haven’t been able to decipher just what it is.  It has them seeking advice, doing serious praying, looking for alternatives, and hoping things will turn around.

STRUGGLING TO SEE THE PLAN

I admire their faith and would like to think I have that same level of faith.  Some days I do, and others I’m not so sure about.  There are days when I struggle to see ‘the plan.’  Most of the time I have to say audibly, ‘Lord, I know you have a plan…and I’m counting on that.  But for the moment I’m not seeing it.’   I know my heart believes that, but my head sometimes disagrees!  And thankfully I don’t usually fall into a ‘dark place’ and the feeling will pass.

But there are times when it’s hard to see the positive when life falls apart.  I’m working hard to finish the home Charles and I started before he passed, in a state far from where we lived.  It was our dream and now that dream looks entirely different than it did before.

On top of this is the home we were living in—and I still do, mostly.  It needs to be maintained and looked after, as well.  And my ‘journey’ doesn’t just affect me; it affects my children as well, even though they are adults.  It’s a balancing act trying to keep everyone happy and on the same page. There are opinions, questions, advice and suggestions from so many different angles.  It becomes complicated with no easy answers for anyone, —especially me.

FEELING LOST

I wonder though if sometimes I’m not making God’s ‘goodness’ conditional, even if it’s not on purpose. I step beyond the ‘I know God has a plan and I know God is good.’  When things go so sideways and I’m feeling lost, I hear myself whisper, ‘Lord, I need answers!  I don’t understand!  The outcome of this part scares me silly!  Some of this just doesn’t make sense!”  —and all I can do is cry and try to pull myself out of the pit of despair in which I am falling.

I don’t like the idea that I may be putting conditions on God’s goodness.  But neither can I pretend things are okay.  There are days when I have a ‘meltdown’—that pit of despair which is slippery and ultimately a dark place.   In fact that happened recently, even while traveling.  One particular day all I could do was cry.  I could not keep composure, and it didn’t seem to matter who I was talking with.  Everything made me sad and I cried.

KEEPING THE FAITH

The meltdown passed and I recognize that faith isn’t believing that everything will turn out just the way I want…. Faith is believing God is still God.  God is still good.  God is still with me.  And…God is still working—-even when I cannot see the how!

It doesn’t have to make sense.  I’ll likely still have a meltdown every now and again, but I can still believe in a God who uses everything for His purpose, even if what’s happening doesn’t look good to me!  

Even when I can’t figure out His plan, I know God will remain faithful whether or not the answer comes in the form I expect. This brings me full circle to realizing that praise isn’t about pretending life is good.  Praise is declaring God is good ---even when life isn’t.

When The Storm Hasn't Arrived Yet

 A friend shared a story about seeing a tiny bird on his windowsill, totally content with just being there.  Dark clouds we’re gathering, the wind was picking up and a storm was on its way.   Yet this little bird just sat there—content, unhurried and completely at peace, without a worry in the world!

THE RAIN KEEPS FALLING

As I write this, I look out my window and see rain pouring down.  It’s been like that for most of this week.  I woke up to it again, and the forecast is bleak for the next week, filled with more rain.  I don’t mind rain…usually.  In fact I even love a good thunderstorm now and again. But when there are days and days of it, there is always the threat of flooding.

WORRY

But at the moment, flooding is not my ‘worry’.  What bothers me now, is knowing that late next week I will be driving 10+ hours to get to my destination in Maryland.  Driving in heavy rain intimidates me.  It never bothered my Charles.  He’d stay focused and just drive regardless of how hard the rain fell! He’d refuse to pull over or stop.  He’d just keep moving forward until we drove out of it.

What I find interesting is, it might not rain at all the day I’m driving up.  Why am I worried about that now!? It’s a week away.  No one can know what the weather will do that far out, and it’ll likely change state to state before I even get there! Rationally, it makes no sense.   Yet I can feel my muscles tighten in my gut, while my mind swirls with ‘but…what if?’  

GOD'S PROMISES

God promises that His presence will go with me and he will give me rest. (Exodus 33:14)  Why do I make myself miserable worrying about something I cannot change and have absolutely no control over? I trust Him in so many ways, and surrendered my life to Him.  It’s time for me to trust Him—not just with eternity or life’s biggest decisions, but even while I drive through the rain, if it comes!

WE ARE NEVER ALONE

We are never alone, even when we are filled with doubt and have no answers for whatever we are facing.  God’s promise of ‘presence’ carried Moses through the wilderness, strengthened Joshua before battle, and comforted David in some very dark seasons, to name only a few examples.  That promise is still something we can hold on to in our world today!  That’s where we grow. It’s where God demonstrates his character.  It’s where we learn peace and contentment.

STEALING OUR PEACE

Worry steals our peace. When we worry, we aren’t aiding our situation.  It causes us to doubt the One who has always been faithful and sustained us. I’m guilty of letting anxiety about ‘what if’ overshadow God’s provisions. 

Trust isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about remembering what God has done for me; believing in what I cannot see; worshipping even while my heart hurts and things are upended.  And, I can rest, be content and have confidence to just ‘be’ like that tiny bird.  In those moments when worry digs in, I have to whisper, ‘God forgive me.  I know worry is not from you!’

THE STORM HADN'T YET ARRIVED

That tiny bird  didn’t know whether the storm would pass quickly or last all day.  It simply rested where its Creator placed it.  Maybe that’s our invitation too. 

We don’t know what tomorrow’s forecast holds—whether it’s rain while driving or a storm battering us in life.  But we do know the One who is present, with us every moment, every mile.  

STORMS COME, BUT GOD IS ALWAYS THERE

That tiny bird’s demonstration of peace is important.  It isn’t that they are fearless because storms never come. But the God who watches over all of them, is the same God watching over us.  And God’s Word tells us we are worth well more more than that tiny bird..and He loves it too!   (Matthew 10:29-31)

Photo Credit: Bird singing in the rain

When Faith Takes The Next Step

 

         Almost two years ago, my life changed.  I became a widow.  I’ve been a believer since childhood, yet I struggled with where my life would take me now.  There were bills to pay, finances in general to figure out, what I’d do with the rest of my life, how and where I’d live and a hundred other questions.  

       I had no problem ‘believing in God’.  He’d been part of my life for years.  The bigger question was did I ‘trust’ him in faith, for the right answers, now that I’m alone?

DOES GOD REALLY ANSWER PRAYERS?

My own issues reminded me of a conversation between two ladies a few years back, when the first lady advised the second to pray about her questions and problems.  The second looked at her friend in disbelief and said, “Look where I am now! Do you really believe God answers prayers?”  To which her friend said, “It’s the best way to ask!”

TRUSTING WHAT WHO CAN'T SEE

Faith is no small matter. We are being asked to trust Someone we cannot see. This is hard especially when our lives and world are falling apart.  For an unbeliever, the idea that some unknown entity could hear a request and grant it, seems like a fantasy.  In the highest peak of their agony, they must not only deal with whatever has befallen them, but must admit there is someone to pray to!  

This is quite a step for those who have been hurt or not brought up in the church where prayer is said, or in a situation where prayer was done for show, like the Pharisees of the Bible were guilty.  

A prayer is just words when they’re spoken without believing someone is listening.  Yet it is in times of crisis many who claim they don’t believe in any God at all, will call out to Him.

DURING HARD SEASONS

  Even for a believer, when times are bad and faith isn’t strong, prayer, in faith, seems cloudy.  We find ourselves in situations where pain is so great, it would seem no one can help— like someone dealing with physical abuse, or parents facing their rebellious teenagers involved with substance abuse, or even a grieving widow struggling to make sense of her new normal.  

During dark or hard seasons, when nothing seems to bring any comfort, our spirit grows weary and even our faith can begin to falter.  Guilt among other emotions, make us feel responsible for the circumstances.

GOD REMAINS CLOSE

At these most desolate moments in our lives, God is closest and “carries” us rather than just “holding our hand.”  He has never left our side.  Rather it is we, who through circumstances, have a weak and wavering faith.  

TRUSTING GOD THROUGH THE JOURNEY

Imagine Noah who was asked to build an ark, yet had never seen rain; or Abraham being told to go—-but given no specific destination; or Sarah who was told she’d have a child at a very old age.  All of these Biblical heroes believed…. but the had to trust that God would help ‘get them there!’  

None of them simply believed once and never struggled again. Their faith was tested over and over.  It wasn’t easy and sometimes it didn’t seem to make any sense!   They each encountered doubts and struggles and even failures.  Each step on their journey, required trusting God all over again!

FAITH BEGINS WITH BELIEVING

I’ve heard it said that ‘faith begins with believing—  but it doesn’t end there.’ It isn’t just believing God exists, ---yet we must believe, because that is what God expects.  His faithfulness is part of his character.  But beyond our belief, is actually acting on it. 

When we earnestly call out to Him and believe that he hears our hearts and understands our needs, He will see us through. It may not be immediate, because our timeline is not necessarily God’s.  There will be struggles, and likely more questions!

FAITH, BELIEVING--AND TRUST

But we have assurance in Scripture, that God rewards those who earnestly seek him.   He will answer our prayer, even if it isn’t how we expected.  By faith we can rest in knowing that his answer will come--and be, ---just what we needed, when we needed it. 

        Our part is to believe-- and then act on that belief. The steps we take. reveal that we believe God will answer our request in the very best way, because His answers are always shaped by His wisdom, not simply by our wishes. That’s faith taking the next step!

Photo Credit: Taking Steps

The Heart Of The Matter

  I remember in college when my professor was teaching about ‘behavior modification’ and the idea that behaviors, both good and bad, could be learned and unlearned.  The main ‘participants’ for this research was dogs, but the idea was to transfer to children.

While I admit there is validity to the concept, even then I had a terrible time accepting the idea as positive proof.  Dogs were all about their bellies!  When they were hungry with a promise of food, absolutely they would be obedient and the change was obvious.  

         It’s more complex with children who have personalities, their own emotions, characteristics, and DNA.  Having had five children, I can attest to the fact they’re all different! 

DOING WHAT IS EXPECTED 

When I consider the relationship we have with Christ, I wonder if there are days He just shakes his head!  There are those who do all the right things: go to church, read His Word, serve, volunteer, and say all the right things; all of which are behaviors which can be measured, likely by any human interested enough to take note.

Sometimes, however, even when doing all the right things, underneath all these outward acts of obedience, a resistance and even resentment grows, because these behaviors of doing everything good --is what’s expected of a believer.  

        It isn’t they believe being a believer is wrong, but it is about boxes being checked so anyone looking on will think everything is right— that we have everything in control.

LOCKING THE ‘DOOR’S TO ROOMS IN OUR HEARTS 

Control, however, doesn’t always make us happy.  That anger we try to hide from losing a friend to cancer; having financial difficulties we want don’t want anyone to know about, forgiveness we find hard to give, or a hundred other things we don’t want noticed, we refuse to surrender to the One who can change our hearts.  

        Fear quietly closes doors inside our hearts. We lock the rooms we don’t want to let anyone in, convincing ourselves they’re off limits and hope no one —including God— will ask for the key!  

        If we acknowledge it, we’ll have to change it!

So we do all the right things and focus on only what others can see, while inside we’re being eaten away by those things over which we have no control --and yet won’t admit.  Instead of giving it to God, we’re saying ‘I can manage on my own!’

CHOICES

Just as each of my children eventually had to choose whether they would trust the wisdom we tried to teach them, as believers, we must decide whether we will choose God’s way or insist on relying ourselves.  Are we able to surrender our lives, and trust that His way is always better than ours?

When our heart isn’t aligned with God, we attempt to manage our ‘behavior’ and reduce our relationship with Him.  Our motives put up a door that we refuse to open because we don’t want to admit that we’re fearful of what God will see, if we open it.  Or— that if we open that door, we might need to make some changes within that room!

NOT PERFORMANCE MEASUREMENTS

Our relationship with God is not about performance of a measurable behavior.  It’s about accepting the God who loves us ‘just because we are’.  As we yield our lives to Him, surrendering even those things that need a little reshaping, the relationship will change our heart. This single act of obedience will grant us peace we can never have when we’re trying to ‘manage’ things that will only destroy us, when left unchecked.

As our hearts are changed, we become more like the God who loves us and wants our ‘good works’ to be accomplished because of our relationship with Him, not because we want our deeds measured by those around us.

Photo Credit:  Behavior Modification 

Held By His Faithfulness

 

  My Charles was sick for a long time before either of us knew what was wrong.  As a Marine on the ground during Vietnam, he and all the other Marines with him, were covered in a poison meant to kill the underbrush they were navigating.  It worked wonderfully, clearing their path to their next destination— but it also created another path— one that ate and killed the insides of all those men.

    MORE CHALLENGES

On top of all this, was PTSD and a gun shot wound.  Charles survived the war physically, but ultimately was 100% disabled.  As time passed, the outer wounds healed, but the inner scars remained.  

This time of year, especially July 4, was particularly bad for him.  This was the day, all those years ago, he was shot.

GOD MET US WHERE WE WHERE

Over the years the PTSD worsened, as did his physical abilities tied to Agent Orange.  We prayed for healing—sometimes just for another day to get through.  

God met us where we were.  He provided medical services to help maintain some sense of dignity and balance, with all the physical issues.  The PTSD was a bit of a different animal since that was diagnosed forty years after we were married.  Still God was with us. We were thankful for another day—for the good moments.

SOMETIMES YOU WONDER

Even as I write this, I know there were days when I asked God, “How long, Lord?  When are things going to get better?”

During these long months and years of dealing with the health issues, I can reflect, and in hindsight see that we both grew in our walk with God.  

FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

Charles grew up in an entirely different faith than I was raised in.  He had to discover that God was faithful and that His power was beyond anything he’d ever believed.  That takes time when you add the ‘war component.’

WAR CHANGES YOU

War does things to a heart and mind.  The eyes see horrific things as the body follows the orders of those in charge, never knowing if you’ll be the next one to fall and not rise up again.  He knew God was ‘somewhere’—-  but was He with him?  All through the war Charles carried a little New Testament Bible in his pocket and clung to that, but he didn’t have that ‘personal relationship’ that came with salvation, until after he returned home some years later.

REALIZING GOD IS AT WORK

With the belief that God was really alive and well, Charles began to see God working, even when he didn’t understand; —-even when his PTSD would flare and jumble his thoughts and create a fear in him he couldn’t explain or even want to admit.

As his faith grew, mine did too.  Because of all the health issues, we knew his days were numbered, even though we didn’t talk about it.  His organs within were being compromised daily.  How can that happen when you believe that ‘God is good?’ or ‘Where is God in this?’

DEATH DOESN'T GET THE FINAL WORD

Knowing that God is faithful, and all powerful, gave us the strength to recognize that when he was told he only had three to five days to live, that he would be totally healed when this battle on Earth was through.  It reminded us that God would keep His promise.  Death would not have the final word.

Did knowing that take away the pain?  No, not at all; and it still makes me cry.  But I know…as did Charles when we got the news, that we all have something to offer while we are still on this earth.  And even leading up to this point, as things worsened, he’d say, “God’s not done with me yet.  I still have work to do.”

GOD KNEW WHAT WE NEEDED

God really is good, even as my heart shattered.  Charles was able to accept the news and was able to talk with all our children and his siblings before he passed. 

When Charles’ time came, God, already knew what we needed.  He faithfully carried us to the very end of his Earthly journey and welcomed Charles into His eternal embrace.  Looking back now, I don’t just remember the sorrow.  I remember the  faithfulness of God who never left us —not for a single day.

Photo Credit: Faith In Suffering