Making Room

      I’ve heard my sister-in-law say many times over the past years, “I’m downsizing!  I’m not leaving all the stuff behind for my kids to go through the way Mom did!”  

I absolutely adored my mother-in-law.  She was one of the kindest people I knew.  But she did ‘keep things’ …. a lot of things!  As a family, we’ve been years going through all the things she’d kept, and she’s been gone a long time.

HOLDING ON 

My Charles was a lot like his mom in this way….keeping stuff.  “We might need this someday".  Or, "You never know when something like this might come in handy,” he’d say. Charles is gone now and it’s up to me to go through all the ‘stuff’ we’ve collected over 51 years!  It’s a lot!

WHAT TO DO WITH EVERYTHING

It’s hard though.  First when I look at the different rooms, I sigh and think, ‘Where in the world do I even start?' or 'There’s so much history in all this.’

Sometimes looking at a gift from a child or grandchild, or even one given by my mother-in-law all those years ago, completely stunts progress.  Some days it makes me sad, because while it was a nice gift when I received it, I haven’t used it in years.  Still….. it was a gift.

Other times it’s about something we paid good money for!  Or even ‘What if the kids want this later?’ But trying to put ‘that’ object in a box to give to GoodWill, or another place, can cause my heart to break.

I CAN'T KEEP IT ALL

As the days pass, though, I find myself feeling a lot like my sister-in-law.  I can’t possibly keep all this ‘stuff’—- and the truth is, I don’t want to.  Nor do I want to leave it for the kids to have to go through.  I’ve had to do that…and I don’t wish that on someone else!  It’s tedious and just not a good thing to have to do!

But I also find myself saying, ‘I don’t want to spend the rest of my life taking care of all this stuff.’  I’ve learned, ever so slowly, that getting rid of an object doesn’t erase the memory attached to it.  The ‘gift-er’ of the item will always hold a special place in my heart because of the love they gave, not an object.

CLUTTER IN MY HEART

As I ponder these things, I think about the parallel with what I do with the clutter I sometimes have in my heart.  As I pull out the broom and begin sweeping, I can see dust particles of fear, regrets, guilt, old expectations and even things God has asked me to release.  It causes me to ask myself, ‘why am I holding onto these ‘things’ when they’re keeping my heart from healing and growing?'

GIVING AND TAKING BACK

There are times when I’ve given something to God and then find myself reaching out to take it back.  I get all wrapped up in the guilt of something that happened in my youth, with my children, or friends that probably upsets me a lot more than it ever did them, but still ‘stuff’ I remember, —those memories that haunt, even if not intentional!

CAN'T GO BACK

You can’t go back in time and change what’s happened.  I consider my parenthood.  All parents make mistakes…or at least wish they’d handled a situation differently, which might have produced a better outcome.  But there is no going back.  All we can do now is move forward.  

And the best way to move forward is to accept what happened and grow from it, accept forgiveness, even if it’s forgiving ourselves!  

KEEP THE BROOM MOVING

The broom needs to keep sweeping.  ’Clutter’ happens. Fear creeps in, regret settles over, guilt gathers in the corners, all collecting dust!  We don’t even realize it, until we’re tripping over it, just like clutter in our homes.  It’s subtle  Then we notice --and feel like hitting the panic button!

Maybe that’s what I’m learning as I work through my 51 years of ‘stuff’.  Some things need to stay.  Other things need to go!    Our hearts are much the same.  There are things I need to remember, other things I need to learn from, maybe I need to forgive….and some things I need to just release to Jesus!

So I’ll keep sweeping and accept the God’s grace.  He’s a God who forgives …and doesn’t remind me of my failures!  And He’s right there with me as I work through the clutter —-both in my heart and my home.

Photo Credit: Broom 

Trusting God With 'This'

  I know a family who has been struggling with the issue of moving.  Should they move, or should they not?  There are days when both the husband and wife may feel one way, and the next they have changed their minds.  

PROS AND CONS

They have made lists of pros and cons and honestly the lists are fairly balanced.  What one place doesn’t provide in one area, it supplies in another area the first does not.  When the grown children are asked for their opinions, they share their thoughts, and feelings are swayed yet again.  

The struggle became a source of confusion, frustration and on some days even depression!  Yet God is not a God of confusion, he is a God of peace.  Satan is frustrating the matter and causing strife where strife need not be.

NEEDING SOME CLUES!

In exasperation the wife shared she finally prayed that if they were not to move, God would create such difficulties it wouldn’t seem worth the effort, and particularly that her husband would be the one who would see the situation clearly.   

Before this situation was settled, the wife felt an incredible sense of peace.  She no longer felt compelled to tears, with her share of frustration regarding the indecision!  She took God at his word in Scripture. She was believing that God had heard her prayer and that the decision, if she trusted her heart “ears” to God, would recognize His will in the decision she and her husband would eventually make.

GOD KNOWS BEST

I wonder if we sometimes doubt that God is listening when we pray.  Additionally, I wonder if we consider God’s will in matters that are important to us.  Are we so wrapped up in the decision making process, we forget that God knows best?   

We focus on the problem, make the lists of pros and cons like my friends, and then find our minds wavering back and forth so much we are unable to make the decision we are sure is ours to make.  This sounds just like my friends’ issues with their move.  

They found themselves asking other people for advice, wrestling with their own feelings and forgetting that ultimately it’s in the hands of God.  He has a plan that will work perfectly if they allow him.  

ARE YOU WILLING TO SURRENDER?

Ultimately God asked the question “Are you willing to sacrifice ‘this’ for me?  When the wife shared this specific question from God, with very little discussion, the decision was made.  God gave peace that the answer had come.  It was the first night she said, she’d slept the whole night through in ‘she couldn’t remember when’!  

It makes me think of Noah, who had never seen rain or Abraham when he left his homeland for a place he had never been.  God hadn't even told him the destination, but would tell him when he got there!  These men didn’t apply pros and cons for the decision.  God called them to it, and they trusted that call through obedience, giving them the peace and faith to move forward.

GOD’S PEACE IS DIFFERENT

God’s peace changes everything despite what’s going on around us.  When we know we are in His will, perspective (and productiveness) changes.

Abraham and Noah's stories proves God answers prayers.  It wasn’t only about the decision, They (my friends nor the Biblical examples) didn’t suddenly have every detail worked out and didn’t know how or when everything would unfold. But they had peace and trust in the One who held the answer.

Sometimes God’s answer to our prayer isn’t an immediate solution.  Sometimes it’s peace while we wait for the solution.

Photo Credit: Trusting In God 

The Things I Don't Think To Pray About

I woke with a plan!  I was headed for the quilt store and the local farmer’s market.  Energized, I did my morning ‘thing’ and was off.  I didn’t give it much thought because I was counting on going.  It was an outing I’d wanted to take since early in the week.

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Most days I don’t have a set plan, short of my to-do list which is domestic duties and writing.  But I was thinking about how much of what I do, I talk to God about first?

PLANNING THE ‘BIG STUFF’

Certainly the ‘big stuff’ I do discuss with the Lord!  My plan to visit Alaska next year….I’ve discussed that, many times with the Lord.  It’s something that intimidates me and there are so many pieces to the puzzle in planning.  I want direction!  The where, when, exactly how, and funding!  All big pieces.  

CONSIDER THE LITTLE THINGS

But do I ever consider discussing the little things with God?  Those things over which I don’t even process before doing—- I do them out of habit, like my morning routine and breakfast, or how I’ll spend my afternoon, or even what I’ll buy at the grocery store!

There are other things which aren’t so ordinary, but often I don’t give it a huge amount of consideration!  For example, how I spend my time, what I’m going to ‘feed my mind’ today, or how I should spend my funds on my outing —even at the quilt store!  

PRAYING ABOUT THE IMPORTANT THINGS

Sometimes I do ask (and often fret) about am I going where God is leading— or am I staying where it’s comfortable?  Do I obey when I don’t understand? Do I even trust Him over something I have no control?  Is He asking me to surrender something I’m clinging to?

Many of the ‘bigger’ things, which I totally pray about, I then struggle with, because I’m not sure exactly what He’s saying —-and I find myself asking ‘What does this really mean?’ What happens if I do it wrong?’ 

I totally trust Him with my eternity…why in the world is it so hard to trust Him with my every day?

SURRENDERING EVERYTHING TO CHRIST

I’ve learned that to trust Him with my ‘moments’ means giving Him control of my life.  That’s not always easy.  I’m human and I tend to cling to what I know.  And while I know the world (and satan) are going to do everything they can to cause me to make the wrong choice, I have to choose to S.T.O.P. and give a thought to God.  

If I aim to let Him lead, then I have to give Him the reins and say, ‘Lord, lead this team of horses’  — or wheel, if the car works better for you! Either way, they are way out of my control and that’s never a good thing!

TRUSTING HIM WITH ALL DECISIONS

I have to choose to trust Him to take me to a place I’m afraid to go, to face a person who I believe hurt me so we can have an uncomfortable but honest-- conversation, to the checkbook if funds need to be addressed, in front of the TV if what I’m watching is not healthy for me, at the dinner table if food has become my idol and all those other ‘things’ that have a way of ruling what happens in any given day!

CHOICES INSTEAD OF HABITS

Sometimes surrender isn’t dramatic at all.  It’s making choices rather than letting habits and desires control us.  It’s relying on God’s steady hand when things get hard —and trusting Him with our hearts when we don’t understand.  It’s allowing Him to mold us into the people we are meant to be so our relationship with Him deepens into a very real time of worship, as we just sit and soak in His presence.

Photo Credit: I Have A Plan 

Waiting For The Two By Four

  I’ve been reading a new book which involves several weekly assignments.  I was talking with a friend about extending the time frame for the exercises.  During the conversation I suddenly realized something I hadn’t expected.  What I thought was simply a personal project had suddenly become something much bigger— a calling.

The moment I recognized it, my heart leapt. Excitement filled my soul.  I never saw it coming.  But isn’t that just like God?  He quietly whispers, “I have something for you to do.  Are you listening?’

HIT ME WITH A TWO BY FOUR

Listening is hard.  It’s hard for children, hard for adults who are going through hard times, and it’s even hard for believers to listen…especially to God!  We seem so uncertain about His voice.  We feel like we need to be ‘hit over the head with a two by four’!  In fact I’ve actually asked for his guidance just like that from time to time, because I was frustrated with feeling like I wasn’t hearing.

WHAT DOES GOD WANT FROM ME?

We want desperately to do what God wants, but we aren’t at all sure we know! Often I’ve felt like Samuel when God called his name and he ran to Eli, thinking it was his call he was hearing.  Eli finally realized what was happening and instructed Samuel how to respond.  It wasn’t about Samuel having an extraordinary sense of hearing, —but rather was about Samuel learning to recognize the voice of the One who was calling him.

HEARING GOD’S VOICE

As we continue to read and search scripture and learn more about God’s character we come more familiar with God’s voice.  Listening and ‘hearing’ isn’t something reserved for mature believers.  It’s a discipline that’s developed over time as we draw nearer to our Creator.  Samuel was young, but God had something important for him to do. 

He wants us to hear Him.  It’s the part of ‘relationship’ that is as important to Him as it is to us.  But it’s equally important that we recognize who God is and stand in awe of His power.  And Jesus reminds us, His sheep know His voice because they know their Shepherd through relationship.

IS IT ME OR IS IT GOD?

We want assurance that what we think we hear isn’t our own desires, emotions, or even fears which can scream loudly or makes us wonder, ‘Is this really God speaking’?  If it’s something we’re afraid of, we struggle with, ‘can I even do what I’m thinking’.  Other times we become concerned with ‘Is this something I want and that’s why I think God’s telling me to go with it?  Or even an overwhelming sense of intuition that you are doing the right thing….  and it may totally be God….  but what if it’s an emotional response to what you want to have happen?

GOD IS FAITHFUL

God’s character is faithful.  So when I wonder if it’s God speaking, I’ve learned to ask myself, ‘Does what I’m sensing agree with His character and His Word?’  That question has become an anchor for me. 

Sometimes God’s voice comes as a persistent thought that refuses to be shaken, or a scripture that keeps showing up.  Sometimes He shows up a conversation that is almost to coincidental, a door opening…or closing and sometimes a gentle nudge from His Spirit.  And yes…sometimes it’s like a bolt of lightning.  

LISTENING….AND HEARING!

Today, God totally showed up in an unplanned conversation combined with an ‘oh my goodness’ bolt of lightning that left me feeling electric!

I've learned that hearing God isn't always about waiting for a dramatic sign. More often, it's about walking closely enough with Him that His voice becomes familiar. The closer we draw to Him through His Word, prayer, and obedience, the easier it becomes to recognize the Shepherd's voice when He calls.

       And when He does...there is nothing more exciting than discovering He has been speaking all along.  Today’s truth wasn’t a coincidence. It was one of those moments when I could almost hear God whisper, “Did you notice Me?”

Photo Credit: Listening For God's Voice 

God Is Good ---Even When Life Isn't

 

  The very idea that it’s easy to praise God when life is good sounds kind of trite to me.  Yes, it’s easy to be happy and project joy when medical bills are paid and health is restored, when our marriage is strong and happy, when finances are in a good place and the future looks like we’re conquering the world, with all the right decisions.

WHEN THINGS FALL APART

But what happens when our health fails and medical bills mount up so that our finances are stretched so thin it looks like a pin stuck in sheer plastic would burst it to pieces; or you lose a spouse and the future is uncertain?

I was talking with a close friend recently who has come upon ‘hard times’. The couple has strong faith and believes ultimately God has a plan, but so far they haven’t been able to decipher just what it is.  It has them seeking advice, doing serious praying, looking for alternatives, and hoping things will turn around.

STRUGGLING TO SEE THE PLAN

I admire their faith and would like to think I have that same level of faith.  Some days I do, and others I’m not so sure about.  There are days when I struggle to see ‘the plan.’  Most of the time I have to say audibly, ‘Lord, I know you have a plan…and I’m counting on that.  But for the moment I’m not seeing it.’   I know my heart believes that, but my head sometimes disagrees!  And thankfully I don’t usually fall into a ‘dark place’ and the feeling will pass.

But there are times when it’s hard to see the positive when life falls apart.  I’m working hard to finish the home Charles and I started before he passed, in a state far from where we lived.  It was our dream and now that dream looks entirely different than it did before.

On top of this is the home we were living in—and I still do, mostly.  It needs to be maintained and looked after, as well.  And my ‘journey’ doesn’t just affect me; it affects my children as well, even though they are adults.  It’s a balancing act trying to keep everyone happy and on the same page. There are opinions, questions, advice and suggestions from so many different angles.  It becomes complicated with no easy answers for anyone, —especially me.

FEELING LOST

I wonder though if sometimes I’m not making God’s ‘goodness’ conditional, even if it’s not on purpose. I step beyond the ‘I know God has a plan and I know God is good.’  When things go so sideways and I’m feeling lost, I hear myself whisper, ‘Lord, I need answers!  I don’t understand!  The outcome of this part scares me silly!  Some of this just doesn’t make sense!”  —and all I can do is cry and try to pull myself out of the pit of despair in which I am falling.

I don’t like the idea that I may be putting conditions on God’s goodness.  But neither can I pretend things are okay.  There are days when I have a ‘meltdown’—that pit of despair which is slippery and ultimately a dark place.   In fact that happened recently, even while traveling.  One particular day all I could do was cry.  I could not keep composure, and it didn’t seem to matter who I was talking with.  Everything made me sad and I cried.

KEEPING THE FAITH

The meltdown passed and I recognize that faith isn’t believing that everything will turn out just the way I want…. Faith is believing God is still God.  God is still good.  God is still with me.  And…God is still working—-even when I cannot see the how!

It doesn’t have to make sense.  I’ll likely still have a meltdown every now and again, but I can still believe in a God who uses everything for His purpose, even if what’s happening doesn’t look good to me!  

Even when I can’t figure out His plan, I know God will remain faithful whether or not the answer comes in the form I expect. This brings me full circle to realizing that praise isn’t about pretending life is good.  Praise is declaring God is good ---even when life isn’t.