My Very Different Children

            As I think about my personal relationships, I can’t help but think about my own children, whom I love very much, and bring me much joy.  I am very blessed to have three beautiful daughters, as well as, two sons who have grown into wonderful men.  As a mother, I remember when they were little and how I cared for them, loved them….and failed them.  Yes, even, failed them.  The truth is we all make mistakes and those mistakes cost us.  Depending on the “size”  and “nature” of the mistake, the cost can result in broken relationships which take a lifetime to repair.

            I was talking with a friend recently and we exchanged “dysfunctional” family stories!  My childhood was less than stellar and so was hers.  It makes me wonder how my children would define theirs!  Sadly the relationship with my mother was never the ideal “mother-daughter” relationship, although we were friends.  I am happy to say, while there are occasional hiccups, the relationships I have with my children are good, even while they are all different.

            The truth is though, the question about what I could make a priority to ensure the relationships grow, rather than stumble, makes me take a hard look at my options.  Each of my children is unique with special personality characteristics.  I am always amazed at their differences as I look at their interests, style, dreams, abilities and perspectives.  I need to honestly search for ideas through these differences for ways to do something special for them as often as I can.  

            I have one daughter very much like her father: determined and strong willed; while another is driven, highly intelligent and very maternal; and another who is social, warm and fun loving.  My sons also have very different personalities.  One is the image of his father and also has his strong personality, yet can be very sensitive, while his brother is gentle yet firm, soft spoken yet resolved, and a wonderful husband and father.

            Their interests, styles and abilities, as mentioned, are as varied as their personalities!  Here too, I must seriously sit down, examine their differences and similarities and create a specific list to work with based on what is important to them so I can better decide ways to strengthen the bonds with each one, which is what, as a mother I need to do and even more so, what God calls me to do.  

   

            And then there is the whole “mother-in-law”angle and grandmother perspective, which again is going to require another serious look at ways I can strengthen the relationships.  It doesn’t have to be any big, heroic thing.  Often, small and subtle is better.  All our material things are going to pass away…..what I do with and for my family is what means the most.

            Just in case you’re wondering, I haven’t forgotten my husband!  That relationship requires even more attention.  That said, I will deal with it on another day.  For now, this is enough.  I hope it’s given you some food for thought in your own families, as you become creative in strengthening relationships!

Relationships in the "Theater of Life"

            The question was asked,  “If you could change one thing you are doing (or aren’t doing) right now, that if done on a regular basis, would make a positive change in your personal relationships, what would it be?”

            I had to think about that a while and realized I wasn’t doing nearly enough to communicate with my loved ones, or others, that I cared about them.  That set me to doing some searching again and I plan on sharing over the next few weeks some of what I learned.

            The truth is when I recognize the different roles I play in the “theater of life” I see I probably behave somewhat differently in each one.  I am a wife, mother, grandmother, writer, student, friend, cousin, niece, aunt and probably others!  And each of these roles dictate a certain amount of responsibility that helps form the relationship.  

            Relationships take time and there is no one way that works for every one.  But that said, there are certain facts and information relevant to every situation.  The first ingredient to remember in building a strong and solid relationship is trust.  How we handle that trust, can determine whether or not the relationship will grow or fade.   Some material I was reading suggested paralleling trust in relationships, to a bank account.   

            Every day we have the opportunity to make deposits in the "relationship account," like following through on a commitment, being kind, encouraging, honest or helpful.  Conversely we also have opportunities to make withdrawals in the form sarcastic remarks, missing set appointment times, inattentiveness, gossip and a whole lot more insensitive behaviors.  But when we have made consistent “deposits” in a relationship, the occasional unintended “withdrawal” will probably not permanently damage the relationship.  However, consistent “withdrawals” in a relationship will cause the relationship to thin, unravel and eventually completely deteriorate.  

            It seems to me our world has produced a society where duplicity, shady behavior, lack of integrity, respect and traditional values is accepted more often than all that is good!  This is sad because cynicism begets cynicism.  Generation after generation becomes more and more skeptical about those he works with, his family and acquaintances.  Life is filled with distrust, sarcasm and disdain about what is truth, valuable, or meaningful.   

            Our relationships are what sustains us from day to day and “event to event” regardless if good or bad.  This relationship challenge includes the one we have with our God.  Relationships don’t just “happen.”  They are nurtured, cherished, developed and supported, allowing for those involved space to grow, fall, develop, mature and ultimately “fly” as we become the person we are to be.  

Yet I have heard it said that sometimes we have friends for a “season.”  I don’t disagree with this statement.  Often, these relationships, however short in a space of time, can make an indelible mark on a person’s life.

            Over the next week, consider all the roles you have in the interactions with the people you are around every day, week or year.  How do your peers view you?  How do you view your peers?  Are your relationships real or superficial?  Do you see the relationships growing or faltering?  Do you want the relationships, however varied as wife, mother, student, friend, professional or any other way to grow?  If so, what could you do, and set as a priority to cultivate that relationship?

        Enjoy your week!  I hope you see relationships bloom all around you!

My Personal Philosophy For Life

            It’s interesting to actually sit down and write a personal philosophy for life.  Generally speaking I think most of the time we don’t focus on what we believe so much as what we absorb from our environment and other people we know.  We tend to go with the flow, getting as much accomplished as necessary to make “the powers that be” happy while not necessarily even considering what makes us happy or if what we are doing honors God.  Yet, when we stop and think about it, everything we do is a direct reflection of what we think, our attitudes on various subjects, our core beliefs, limitations, expectations or even standards we live by.  It’s a choice even when we don’t recognize it!

            I am choosing to share at least a glimpse into what I consider an important guideline for my life, or my personal philosophy, through what I have learned about myself while studying the Bible and other resources I consider valid.   What I share will be even more specific as I formulate measurable goals in each area once this part is completed.   So….here goes!

To honor God with my life I will choose to instill a passion for Christ within me as perfect my faith through Bible study and prayer, feeding my spirit on all that is good through the letters God has written to guide me.  I will focus my mind on His teaching, while desiring discernment to be obedient, keeping my eyes and heart alert for spiritual truths.  

I will use my time, God given abilities and potential to make a contribution in Christian service through my writing and whatever other means God provides, as I communicate His love and grace to others, attempting the highest level of quality I can humanly achieve believing God will use my work to touch the lives of others.  

I will choose to treat my body as the holy temple God has called it to be through diet and exercise, while choosing to make myself as attractive as possible whether I am home or away.   I will read quality material which is encouraging, while continuing a lifetime of education on diverse subjects through a variety of mediums, which will stimulate my thinking.  

I will display patience to the best of my ability while attempting to be fair in all circumstances; live a life of integrity and honesty, speaking words of kindness and encouragement to everyone I see despite the circumstance in which I find myself.  

I acknowledge not everyone thinks as I do or shares my beliefs or value system. I will accept being different when it aligns with my value system, beliefs and disciplines.  I will never give up on my dreams no matter how impossible they seem, knowing ultimately while using free will to make informed decisions, God, my Creator, has a plan greater than my imagination can fathom, and it is He who is in control.

Now....all that said, it is likely I will add to it, tweak it or otherwise change wording as time (even years) go by.  But at least I have a starting point and I'm happy about that!  I hope you've enjoyed this series and that it has inspired you to take a look at what you believe, your value system, your dreams and ways to make it possible.  Mostly, however, I hope that you can identify God as the center of your plan and your life!  Have a great week!

           

Focusing

Honoring God with my life: to be successful, I must truly focus.  So there are questions which must be asked.   With that in mind, I need to put first things first……What are my desired results and what exactly do I want to accomplish?  Do I trust God as being totally wise; wanting to guide me and lead me to the work he wants me to do?    Are my goals within reason? Do I have measurable goals?  Can I make commitments and follow through?   What guidelines do I follow?  What are my resources? How can I assure accountability?  

As I look over the questions I formed, even as I considered “putting first things first” I wonder about the answers. I heard in a church service some months ago while traveling, “We are accountable for the things we don’t know in the Bible.”  That about scared me to death!  Honestly when you think about it, we have an amazing gift in having the written Word to read, absorb and learn from.  Yet, often the Bible is the last book we choose to read when we have free time, not to mention the perfect place to look for answers!   I confess I am as guilty as the next person with this.   But with this “gift” comes responsibility.  We are to know the contents, which will help in achieving our goals.  That said studying God’s word, to know it in general, book by book and then knowing the specifics should be a priority which requires not only reading and studying, but memorization which I discussed last week. 

But honoring God with my life goes beyond perfecting my faith through Bible reading, studying and memorizing.  I need to honor Him with my mind through understanding which will help me be obedient.  I need to keep my eyes on Him for guidance so I can see the spiritual truths he’s teaching me.  I need to hear him with my ears and my heart which will give me the ability to discern between good and evil.  I need to use the words from my mouth to encourage and speak kindness as I attempt to communicate his love and grace to others.  I must instill a passion within my heart to seek to know him better.  I need to use my hands for Christian service in whatever form it takes.  I need to use good judgment as I fuel my body physically and emotionally through what I read or watch on TV.  I need to honor him in my work, in my recreational activities, with the friends I choose, through my attitude and in my Christian service, despite my weaknesses.

            My point is if I am capable of understanding my goals, give them reasonable thought and necessary planning, with the Grace of God, I believe I can achieve my goals.  Will it be easy?  Not necessarily.  It will require prayer, time, dedication, commitment, perseverance, and accountability which raises another element worth consideration.  I believe accomplishing my goals will be easier if I share my “vision” with someone who will be in prayer for me and encourage me when things go wrong.   Having a support group or even a single prayer partner is invaluable when faced with challenges that seem insurmountable.  But when I face my challenges daily, no matter what they are, with the focus on the Father and the intent to honor Him, how can I lose?

            I challenge you this week to make as specific a list as possible, in as many areas as you can; of the goals you have in your life of ways to honor God.  Choose someone who will partner with you in prayer and encouragement and not judge you when efforts need to be re-calibrated and when failure threatens to discourage you.

            I will share some of my goals with you (in each of the areas I discussed) next week as I conclude this series on honoring God.  Through these writings I discovered specifics about myself which will enable me to create my “personal creed and mission statement” as I identify my values, vision, priorities and acknowledge that God has created me for a special reason.  I pray you can do the same.

Service To Others

After thinking about honoring God with prayer, Bible reading and memorization, I realize I also need to honor God with my time and Christian service.  We are all given twenty-four hours in every day.  How we use those hours may well define the kind of person we are; our priorities and values.

            There are countless ways available for us to entertain ourselves; from sports events to television shows; from video games to concerts and cruises to shopping, or dancing and playing games to hunting and sewing.  There are as many options as there are people!   I would not even suggest or hint that any one of these diversions is in any way bad.  I just wonder if we use our recreational time as a means to avoid doing an act of service for the Lord, even when we know it is needed.

            Each person is given a unique ability and placed in a special place to carry out a distinctive service.  No one else is exclusively capable to serve in just the way God wants; to the specific people he wants (to those around us in the world we live in) than we are.  But do we recognize the God given talent and abilities we have in the place we find ourselves?   When we do, everyone wins!  The friends, neighbors, children, seniors or whomever it is you can serve are definite victors when their need is met.  Yet, as the one who serves, we too, are victors because when done with a humble heart we can know without any doubt that even if our service isn’t heralded here on earth, we will be rewarded in heaven when we stand before our Creator.

            There was a recent call for workers in our local congregation.  The situation of few willing workers is dire; in fact so dire that if people don’t soon step forward, programs long established in our church will begin ending because there is no one to lead.  

It isn’t just about leading a Sunday School class, or being a G-kids leader.  It’s about seeing a need someone has and meeting it.  And there are hundreds of ways…literally!  To name a few:  take a senior or other person to the store or to a doctor’s visit, prepare and deliver a meal, offer an occasional babysitting service (free) for a mom who needs to shop, has a doctor appointment or who just needs a break.  Mow someone’s lawn, invite someone unusual to dinner, shovel snow, teach a craft or something you are informed about in a home school setting, consider offering a night’s rest to a homeless person, be a mentor, buy someone a book (or give one away that you’ve already read), offer assistance to someone who is working on a new idea, write someone an encouraging note, check on a shut in, and the list just goes on and on!  

Be creative!  Look for or create ways to serve someone else!  When we do this, our time becomes Gods because we are choosing to live and demonstrate our faith rather than just giving it lip service.  When we choose to give, it really is “win-win” and the rewards are much greater than we can imagine.   And above all, we will be honoring God with our personal gift, talent or ability and our time.