I Love My Husband

            Marriage should be the most precious, deep, rewarding, enduring and fruitful relationship between two people, yet if the relationship isn’t fostered and nurtured with care, this valuable bond can splinter causing the greatest pain and frustration imaginable. 

I am, by no stretch of the imagination an authority, expert or any kind of counselor on the subject of marriage, but having been married forty years, I can share a little on the topic.  I do know understanding your mate, knowing their likes, dislikes and interests is hugely important.  

 

I remember when Charles and I first met.  He was very much into baseball, football and car racing.  He could whip out the names of all the players in the Oriole line up and often even from the opposing team.  Football was no different.  He had his favorites, (at the time it was the Cowboys) and again, knew the particulars about the players.  And on the subject of NASCAR, well, he was near being an expert!  He bought the official rule books, not to mention attended many races, bought souvenirs (namely hats and tee shirts, many of which we still have!) and met the drivers.  I on the other hand, knew nothing about baseball, football and certainly not racing!

Someone once asked the question of a devoted wife who had a husband who loved football: “Why do you watch football?  Surely you don’t like the game!”  Her response, “I may not love football, but I do love my husband.”  That had quite an impact on me.  What a novel thought!  That changed my perspective on how I handled those sports events I knew nothing about!  I sat down and watched with him.  It took many, many games and races to really get any kind of worthwhile understanding out of it, but I was determined!  I still couldn’t (and still can't!) name the players on the football teams or even in baseball although I could at least make a connection with a team, in the right sport, if the conversation came up; but I did learn a good deal about NASCAR, enough so that I could even have my very own favorites!  What does all this mean?  Simply, that by understanding some of the “world” my husband enjoyed, we could share it!  His “interests” became important to me, too. 

Another important element in making a marriage successful is “attending to the little things.”  Remember the little kindnesses and courtesies that make another smile.  Sometimes in our busy-ness we forget and take for granted the other person knows how we feel and can somehow know what we’re thinking.  After all, we’ve been married a long time, right?  Wrong! 

 It is vital to a relationship to invest in the time and effort it takes to remember how we treated each other when we were dating, or when we were first married.  Do I respond with a smile when he calls my name?  Do I accept when he suggests we go for a ride, even when it isn’t necessarily convenient?  Do I remember to say “thank you” for a kindness he has shown?  Do I “dress up” for him or do I greet him looking like “something the cat just drug in?”  The list could be extensive and for each couple different and personal.  Remember back….remember reaching for his hand when you were walking in the mall, or the times you spent just being together and saying nothing at all?  These are the little things, but hugely essential in “keeping the fires burning!”

So, this is where the question which was posed the first week I wrote on “relationships” comes back into play.  “If I could change one thing I am doing (or am not doing) now, that if done on a regular basis, would make a positive change in my personal relationship, what would it be?”  I’ve been married a long time, yet this question is key if I want the relationship to continue growing for another forty years!