Roads Traveled

          

         Before our meeting we all shared our little happenings and frustrations we'd dealt with the week before.  A widow raising a teenage son would often say to our group, “You just can’t understand my point of view.  You’re all married, with husbands who care and help you every day.  I don’t have that.  It’s different for me.”  We all felt comfortable sharing just how we felt about things.  In some ways we seemed closer than family.

            Our Bible study group was stunned many weeks later when we heard the news that a regular member of the study group had gone through a lengthy separation from her husband and was nearing divorce proceedings.  We had been with her every week, sharing with each other and still we did not know.  It didn’t seem possible.

            As I looked back over the preceding year, I considered our many conversations singularly and within our group.  We were all so wrapped up in our own little occurrences such as everyday problems with children, disagreements with our husbands or other family members or work, we didn’t really take the time to listen with our heart.

            There were little things I vaguely remember one friend sharing during that time that haunted me for sometime afterwards.  I asked myself, “Why didn’t I pick that up?  How could we have let her go through that ordeal without the support of others that loved her?  Why did she choose to not tell us outright about her situation?”

            Could she have possible felt like Job did in Job 19:147?  “My kinsfolk and my close friends have failed me….”  (RSV)  I don’t know that I have the answers to those questions but I did learn something from the experience.  We, as humans, are often quick to say, “You can’t possibly understand what I’m going through,” as another participant did at some of our meetings, and as we each did in our own given circumstances.

            While none of us knew of the crisis at the time, it demonstrates that sometimes people have problems they don’t share and it’s up to us as Christians to be mindful of another person’s feelings and needs.  We should listen not only with our ears, but with our hearts so that we might pick up weak signals another might be sending.

            I also discovered the strength my friend had.  I was amazed at how long she had kept her situation to herself.  She dealt with this personal, emotional upheaval and with her children through strength she could have only gotten from God.  It took a lot of courage and strength, even after a year, to tell the world, “my marriage is over.”  Most people, like myself, who knew her, didn’t even know there had been a problem.

            Complaining to each other over petty things that irritate us or upset our day, I’ve learned, is unnecessary.  Taking our little concerns to Christ is what we need to do.  Being thankful that we have little concerns, instead of large ones, is also essential.

            The roads we travel are as varied as our lives.  There is much in our lives we share, and much more that we are careful others do not see.  So I challenge you this week to listen with your heart as others share theirs.  It’s entirely possible they are telling you something you won’t otherwise hear.