I identified with my friend. I’ve found myself in the same place, although likely for entirely different reasons. But that kind of sadness borders on depression or a severe case of anxiety, because life seems out of control. There just doesn’t seem to be any clear answers to the problems swirling around in my mind.
In an effort to battle the onslaught of negativity, I find my trusty notebook and pen and begin a “plan” to help me focus! I create my worthy “to-do” list in areas of cleaning, studying, exercising, writing and any other area I feel like focus should be enhanced. Writing seems to be the one area that suffers the most (well, exercising, too. But that’s always a battle!)
Writing requires thought; a good deal of thought. The process can be arduous, even though I completely love it! But when attacks happen on my purpose for writing, I begin to sink. I ask myself, ‘Who cares if I write or if I don’t?’ ‘Does it make a difference?’ ‘Will anyone even notice if I don’t post this week?’ ‘Am I good enough?’ The questions pummel me like a giant hammer chiseling away (sometimes in large chunks) my ability to see that it’s worthwhile; that I am making a difference, even if it’s a small one!
I stare at the empty page before me on the computer screen, willing myself to write—something—anything—that might get my mind working. This morning, as I write this, (and yes, this is a time of struggle for me), I came across the scripture in Esther about ‘such a time as this.’ (See Esther 4:14) Esther faced great risk by doing the right thing. It couldn’t have been easy making the choice needed to save her people. But when reflecting on Mordecai’s words, and in prayerful attitude, she faced her demons and doubts, and moved forward.
The passage made me cry, even though I’ve read it many times. God has also, given me, and you, a purpose! We were created to carry out God’s plan. He absolutely can have someone else do what we were called to do. But when we choose to allow doubts to become giant fear, we choose to miss the blessings that come with being obedient to our calling, regardless of how we view their value.
We visited an arts festival recently and I was awed by the huge variety of gifts many people have been given. Some of the work seemed simple but was exquisite. Others certainly spent hours making a single piece to be shared with those who crossed their paths. Each had something special and unique to share. Each had distinctive beauty. God provides this gift to every single one of us. I wonder how often we ignore the nudges and signals He provides, while we wallow in frustration and doubt.
Is doubt stealing opportunities to use the gifts God has given you? What will you (or I) choose to do about it?
Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/search/doubt/
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