On top of all this, was PTSD and a gun shot wound. Charles survived the war physically, but ultimately was 100% disabled. As time passed, the outer wounds healed, but the inner scars remained.
This time of year, especially July 4, was particularly bad for him. This was the day, all those years ago, he was shot.
GOD MET US WHERE WE WHERE
Over the years the PTSD worsened, as did his physical abilities tied to Agent Orange. We prayed for healing—sometimes just for another day to get through.
God met us where we were. He provided medical services to help maintain some sense of dignity and balance, with all the physical issues. The PTSD was a bit of a different animal since that was diagnosed forty years after we were married. Still God was with us. We were thankful for another day—for the good moments.
SOMETIMES YOU WONDER
Even as I write this, I know there were days when I asked God, “How long, Lord? When are things going to get better?”
During these long months and years of dealing with the health issues, I can reflect, and in hindsight see that we both grew in our walk with God.
FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
Charles grew up in an entirely different faith than I was raised in. He had to discover that God was faithful and that His power was beyond anything he’d ever believed. That takes time when you add the ‘war component.’
WAR CHANGES YOU
War does things to a heart and mind. The eyes see horrific things as the body follows the orders of those in charge, never knowing if you’ll be the next one to fall and not rise up again. He knew God was ‘somewhere’—- but was He with him? All through the war Charles carried a little New Testament Bible in his pocket and clung to that, but he didn’t have that ‘personal relationship’ that came with salvation, until after he returned home some years later.
REALIZING GOD IS AT WORK
With the belief that God was really alive and well, Charles began to see God working, even when he didn’t understand; —-even when his PTSD would flare and jumble his thoughts and create a fear in him he couldn’t explain or even want to admit.
As his faith grew, mine did too. Because of all the health issues, we knew his days were numbered, even though we didn’t talk about it. His organs within were being compromised daily. How can that happen when you believe that ‘God is good?’ or ‘Where is God in this?’
DEATH DOESN'T GET THE FINAL WORD
Knowing that God is faithful, and all powerful, gave us the strength to recognize that when he was told he only had three to five days to live, that he would be totally healed when this battle on Earth was through. It reminded us that God would keep His promise. Death would not have the final word.
Did knowing that take away the pain? No, not at all; and it still makes me cry. But I know…as did Charles when we got the news, that we all have something to offer while we are still on this earth. And even leading up to this point, as things worsened, he’d say, “God’s not done with me yet. I still have work to do.”
GOD KNEW WHAT WE NEEDED
God really is good, even as my heart shattered. Charles was able to accept the news and was able to talk with all our children and his siblings before he passed.
When Charles’ time came, God, already knew what we needed. He faithfully carried us to the very end of his Earthly journey and welcomed Charles into His eternal embrace. Looking back now, I don’t just remember the sorrow. I remember the faithfulness of God who never left us —not for a single day.
Photo Credit: Faith In Suffering
No comments:
Post a Comment