Love With Rules

         

One of the greatest things I’ve learned through my lifetime experiences, whether in a work environment or in every day life, is people need and expect rules.   Love and acceptance, however, cushion these rules.   Rules without love have the potential to create an unpleasant working environment which is especially apparent when working with children.

            I was a part-time Instructional Assistant for three years.  During my second year working in first grade, I was offered an opportunity to work full-time with kindergarten in another school.  I accepted the position. During the next two weeks before leaving, I was amazed by both the children and the teacher.  

            The teacher was a kind, gentle person, except in her classroom.  She had strict rules and high expectations.  She seldom smiled and rarely expressed genuine approval.   When a child didn’t complete a task as expected, she became impatient and angry.  She sternly reprimanded the child in front of the class, humiliating the already frustrated child with, “You know how to do that problem, so write the answer.” Or “You can see how to do it.  Don’t act like you don’t know.”  It must have seemed to the children that she certainly didn’t like them and that they were stupid for not understanding the question or knowing how to read the directions completely or worse, even stupid for asking.

As Instructional Assistant, I worked with specific children on a regular basis teaching basic reading and writing skills.  However, I freely loved all the children.  On most mornings many of the children came to give me a hug, which smiling, I happily returned.  Often the child shared an incident that happened the night before or over the weekend.  I received an endless array of pictures the children drew for me, some even of myself. 

            While I openly loved the children, I also supported the strict rules the teacher implemented in the classroom.  It’s important to children to have consistency.  Rules give children boundaries in which to work and play.  They are reassured and comforted when the adult is in control, as long as they know the expectations. 

            During those last two weeks of my two-month stay in first grade, the children became busy with my “secret going away party.”  Most of the work was done on the afternoons I wasn’t there.  But sometimes I would catch the children quickly stuffing something in their desk with a devilish grin, hiding a mysterious treasure when I walked into the room.  With great delight they would mention a picture or writing they were working on and then quickly cover their mouths because they realized they shared a secret.

With the aid of the classroom teacher, my send off included a book each of the children had helped create, gifts, many hugs and a degree of guilt at leaving.  The one thing which tugged at my heart most, however, was the comment the teacher made to me before I left.  “These children love you.  If I were to die and never come back, they wouldn’t care.  They don’t want you to go.”                                                                    

            People of all ages respond to love and acceptance.  We want others to accept us right where we are despite our shortcomings.  When we know we are loved we can reciprocate with love.  When loved, our self-esteem grows.  When self-esteem grows, so does our spirit, our confidence and our ability to give more of ourselves.  While we as a human race respond to love and acceptance, we also need and respond to rules.  Rules give us boundaries by which we know our limits.  Rules when accompanied with love create an atmosphere in which adults, as well as children, are not only able to give their best but want to give their best.  

         I challenge you this week to consider your "love level."  Do you love unconditionally like our Lord taught us?  I encourage you to accept and love someone today who is not necessarily "lovable."  Make a difference in their lives so they "never want you to go away!"