I absolutely adored my mother-in-law. She was one of the kindest people I knew. But she did ‘keep things’ …. a lot of things! As a family, we’ve been years going through all the things she’d kept, and she’s been gone a long time.
HOLDING ON
My Charles was a lot like his mom in this way….keeping stuff. “We might need this someday". Or, "You never know when something like this might come in handy,” he’d say. Charles is gone now and it’s up to me to go through all the ‘stuff’ we’ve collected over 51 years! It’s a lot!
WHAT TO DO WITH EVERYTHING
It’s hard though. First when I look at the different rooms, I sigh and think, ‘Where in the world do I even start?' or 'There’s so much history in all this.’
Sometimes looking at a gift from a child or grandchild, or even one given by my mother-in-law all those years ago, completely stunts progress. Some days it makes me sad, because while it was a nice gift when I received it, I haven’t used it in years. Still….. it was a gift.
Other times it’s about something we paid good money for! Or even ‘What if the kids want this later?’ But trying to put ‘that’ object in a box to give to GoodWill, or another place, can cause my heart to break.
I CAN'T KEEP IT ALL
As the days pass, though, I find myself feeling a lot like my sister-in-law. I can’t possibly keep all this ‘stuff’—- and the truth is, I don’t want to. Nor do I want to leave it for the kids to have to go through. I’ve had to do that…and I don’t wish that on someone else! It’s tedious and just not a good thing to have to do!
But I also find myself saying, ‘I don’t want to spend the rest of my life taking care of all this stuff.’ I’ve learned, ever so slowly, that getting rid of an object doesn’t erase the memory attached to it. The ‘gift-er’ of the item will always hold a special place in my heart because of the love they gave, not an object.
CLUTTER IN MY HEART
As I ponder these things, I think about the parallel with what I do with the clutter I sometimes have in my heart. As I pull out the broom and begin sweeping, I can see dust particles of fear, regrets, guilt, old expectations and even things God has asked me to release. It causes me to ask myself, ‘why am I holding onto these ‘things’ when they’re keeping my heart from healing and growing?'
GIVING AND TAKING BACK
There are times when I’ve given something to God and then find myself reaching out to take it back. I get all wrapped up in the guilt of something that happened in my youth, with my children, or friends that probably upsets me a lot more than it ever did them, but still ‘stuff’ I remember, —those memories that haunt, even if not intentional!
CAN'T GO BACK
You can’t go back in time and change what’s happened. I consider my parenthood. All parents make mistakes…or at least wish they’d handled a situation differently, which might have produced a better outcome. But there is no going back. All we can do now is move forward.
And the best way to move forward is to accept what happened and grow from it, accept forgiveness, even if it’s forgiving ourselves!
KEEP THE BROOM MOVING
The broom needs to keep sweeping. ’Clutter’ happens. Fear creeps in, regret settles over, guilt gathers in the corners, all collecting dust! We don’t even realize it, until we’re tripping over it, just like clutter in our homes. It’s subtle Then we notice --and feel like hitting the panic button!
Maybe that’s what I’m learning as I work through my 51 years of ‘stuff’. Some things need to stay. Other things need to go! Our hearts are much the same. There are things I need to remember, other things I need to learn from, maybe I need to forgive….and some things I need to just release to Jesus!
So I’ll keep sweeping and accept the God’s grace. He’s a God who forgives …and doesn’t remind me of my failures! And He’s right there with me as I work through the clutter —-both in my heart and my home.
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