Road To Recovery

       I heard the story of a young woman who had to 'close up' where she was working one evening, and per instructions by administration, needed to be escorted by another employee to her car, given the distance to the parking garage and her age.  On this particular evening there was a single male employee who was also finishing his duties, who was asked to walk her, to her car.  He obliged.  But upon arrival took advantage of the situation and ‘violated’ her.

The pain of this incident looms large in front of her.  She feels guilty for not having fought harder, for not having someone else escort her--even though there was no one else,-- for working there, and the list goes on.  This was not her fault—at all!  But she must learn how to deal with her anxiety, guilt, shame, and everything that goes with it, along with trying to forgive.  

FORGIVENESS IS HARD

Forgiveness comes hard for something as personal as this and the desire to forgive can be over-ridden by pain.  We all experience incidents in our lives where we wonder if we’ll ever be able to ‘live without fear’ or be able to trust anyone again.

Hate and anger can be so consuming, it can monopolize our thoughts and in some cases cause us to behave irrationally.  Sometimes we’ll want to hurt the person who has hurt us and sometimes we reach a point where we either want to end it ourselves, or ask God to just take us home.

FORGIVENESS BRINGS FREEDOM

Freedom from this kind of pain can only come through forgiveness.  It’s not an emotion, it's a process, and it can only come by choice.  We have to make the decision to surrender our pain and anger to God, and choose to forgive the person who has hurt us so deeply.

God’s Word further tells us we need to forgive seventy times seven times.  I suppose you could keep count of how many times you’ve forgiven someone, but it’s more likely God is telling us that we have to forgive over and over again.  

MEMORIES

      The pain may ease for a while, and then something triggers the memory and we’re feeling swallowed up again, until we choose to forgive again.  How long does that take?  That’s anyone’s guess.  And most likely, depending on the circumstance it could be a lifetime.

JESUS IS THE ULTIMATE FORGIVER

The best example of this is Jesus forgiving the world by dying on the cross.  He forgave us before we were even born!  Further his sacrificial death wasn’t for a single sin, it was for every sin you or I commit from the time we were born until our deaths!  I can’t even imagine how many times He’s had to forgive me for sins I’ve done over my lifetime— even since becoming a follower of Him!

Forgiveness doesn’t mean the hurt will stop.  It’s likely it will over time, but it could take a long time!   But by choosing God’s grace, while he heals your heart, the healing will be more profound.  Healing happens in layers, just as forgiveness does.  It’s not instantaneous.  We are human and emotions run deep.

RECOVERY DOES COME

Recovery will come, but it’s a journey which we might have to take, time and again, before we finally reach the end…and that said, sometimes,  a lifetime isn't long enough.  But forgiveness will dull the pain and ultimately grant us inner peace, instead of  allowing our negative emotions to eat us alive, and leaving us creatures of bitterness, anger and rage.

Photo Credit:  Inner Peace

That's My King

  For those who follow me, know I’ve been going through a really difficult time after the loss of my husband.  While it’s been remarkably difficult, God has gotten me through.  Along with my family and very special friends, He’s placed people in my path who have helped navigate the sometimes convoluted paths it takes to get all the ‘things’ done which are required after a spouse passes away.

GOD’S TIMING

But what amazes me is how his timing for things is beyond perfect.  I’ve been able to look back and see His thumbprint on being where I am today.  And even in the recent weeks has opened doors that perhaps even a month ago, I would not have been able to handle.   To all that I say, "that’s my King!"

There are those who would argue that they ‘need to be in control’ and allowing God to order things is too difficult.  I respond with, during my months of grief my heart, mind and soul were so uprooted, I could barely control my functionings some days.  I had no energy, and even doing those things I loved to do, brought only limited joy.  

GIVING UP CONTROL

By allowing God to control my life, I was (and still am) able to grieve, knowing that God knew (and knows) when I am ready to respond positively to a specific person placed in my path, that continues the healing process and opens doors to my future!

God’s reign in my life means security.  His ability to ‘know all things’ brings peace, not pressure!  I can trust in his authority.  There is no way I could have personally created the totally unrelated events which have happened over the last few weeks.  Those who I have talked with don’t even know the other, yet they are melded together to help me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.  "That’s my King!"

CHRIST IS KING

Some people take issue with calling Christ a King and reject that one day he will be ruler on this earth after his return.  Our world is spiraling in ways I could not even fathom, yet here we are.  It’s, in many regards, like reading the book of Revelation!  

GOD IS IN CONTROL

Yet, despite all the turmoil, I know that God is in control!  He’s steadfast and strong; powerful and merciful; he’s the Supreme Being, unparalleled and unprecedented.  His love knows no bounds, he supplies all our needs; he’s compassionate and trustworthy and he’s the Savior of the World!  Only he can forgive our sins!   

The list of all the wonderful things God can do and is lengthy!  But my God can change the hearts and lives of people who will believe in him.  It’s not a matter of culture, creed, skin color, political views, circumstances, where you came from or where you think you are.  God loves each of us and wants a relationship with us—-  Let me repeat.. with EACH of us.  

GOD ALWAYS STANDS WITH US

Who besides God can do that?  We probably all have a long list of friends. Yet most of us could count on one hand our closest friends.  The remaining on our list know who we are, maybe even attend social events together, but do they know you when times are hard?  Do they stand by you when things go awry?  Will they hold you when you cry and are broken?

God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit does all this and more!  "That’s my King!"

Photo Credit: That's My King

What If Resting Is Worship?

  I’m busy!  I have a long list of things I try to accomplish every day, and then add quilting or other activities to my nights.  I don’t remember ever not being this way.  Even when my children were young, and we had the tv on, I’d find myself working on something whenever I sat down.  This has become my normal.

Because of the amount of quilts I’ve made along with my writing, people have asked me, ‘Do you ever sleep?’  And one of my son-in-law’s, just shakes his head, has commented more than once that ‘She never sits down’ or ‘She never stops!’ —which, of course, isn’t true, but I will say, that is hard for me.

RESTING IS HARD

Resting is hard for me.  And to make matters worse, when I do finally feel compelled to take a rare nap, it’s usually ten to fifteen minutes.  No alarm, I just wake up, feel refreshed and can keep going until bedtime!  But am I actually resting?

       I admit, I often feel ‘guilty’ when I stop.  Usually something will cross my mind that needs doing, and I’m up at it again!  I usually feel like I’m totally unproductive when I stop. And then there’s that scripture in Proverbs that talks about idle hands.  But I wonder, am I missing something?

CLIMBING THE CORPORATE LADDER

We live in a fast paced, achievement driven culture!  It’s all about working till you drop, climbing the almighty ladder, making the most of every day and especially earn as much money as possible, because wealth is power.

Truth is, I honestly don’t agree with that! I have no ladder to climb and earning a boat load of money is not my thing—I don’t want power!  I’d rather be a minimalist.  That said, I’m not an expert on minimalism, and I have to work really hard at that, but that’s my dream.  But that doesn’t seem to affect my ‘need’ to stay busy or go, go, go, get plenty done, because that’s what we’re supposed to do!  Right?? But... is it because subconsciously I feel my productivity measures my worth?

Often, I’m tired.  I’m tired of being tired.  My body seems to go alright, —at least until I hit the pillow at night—but my mind gets tired and maybe even my spirit.  Could my soul be tired too?  And sometimes as tired as I am, I can’t sleep. I drop off almost immediately, but after 10-15 minutes (like my rare nap times in the afternoon), I wake up and my mind, weary as it is, just doesn’t shut down.  It’s like it’s on overdrive going absolutely nowhere--yet it's all over the place.  There are no cut and dry answers to whatever I’m thinking about and that makes me even more tired!

COMMANDED TO REST

God commands us to rest.  It’s part of the 10 Commandments, twice! —- The first
time God gave Moses the Commandments, he said in Exodus 20:8 to remember the Sabbath.  The second time God gave Moses the 10 Commandments in Deuteronomy 5:12, he said to “observe the Sabbath....as I have commanded you.”    And when I look further in the NT, Jesus withdrew from the crowds and went to rest…with the Father.  As a follower of him, shouldn’t I ‘follow’ his example?  Even Hebrews 4:9-10 tells us the Sabbath is for rest.

COULD REST BE WORSHIP?

What if I looked at rest as worship?  Could it be that the absence of work is the presence of faith?  Might I be saying, when I continue to push forward and neglect to rest, ‘Lord, I don’t trust you to handle everything I need to do?’ (Is. 30:15)   Might that list that keeps nagging me be some deep seated desire that I need to be in control?  

Jesus invites us in Matthew 11:28 to come to him, all who are weary.  I’m weary.  Are you?  I don’t rest well.  Do you?  Is it time we changed perspective on the idea of rest?  

Biblically, rest is not being ‘lazy’ or ‘non-productive’.  In fact I would suggest that we would be very productive in our faith walk if we stopped… and spent time, in prayer, listening to Gospel music, reading His Word, enjoying his creation in a quiet walk outdoors, or just sitting on the porch swing, resting in His presence.  What a gift that would be!

Photo Credit: Resting In God 

Photo Credit: Unproductive

When Words Fail, The Spirit Speaks

  I read a testimony recently about how a person within a congregation was going through a particular trial and when someone prayed, was specific enough in their prayer to request exactly what this person needed.  Even as tears filled her eyes, she was filled with gratitude and relief because she said if she’d even made the request during the sharing of concerns she’d have been unable to speak.

WE NEEDED PRAYER

Months ago my husband became ill.  Regardless, we traveled, since he felt better.  After we arrived, we didn’t make it to church and I had conversation with one of the Pastor’s at the church we attended, via text.  As the conversation continued, I asked him to call me.  My phone rang only moments later.

In a hushed tone, because I was fighting tears, said simply, “Scotty, I’m scared.  Charles is sick, but refuses to go to the doctor.”  He asked a couple questions followed with, “Can I pray with you?”   My response was “of course!”  

When he prayed he was very specific. Among other things, he asked God to ‘Let Charles be willing to go to the doctor, if he needs to go.’  After the conversation I literally felt a profound peace pour over me.  Checking on him, I asked him if he was ready to go to the doctor.  He paused and said, “Maybe”.  Then moments later said, “I’m afraid if I go, they’ll keep me.”   He, nor I, had any idea how prophetic his words were.

SOMETIMES PRAYING CAN BE HARD

Sometimes we hesitate to pray for someone because we don’t know what to pray for; we don’t ‘feel’ anything; we’re afraid of doing it ‘wrong’ or because we are so broken, we wonder if God is even listening.

Prayer isn’t about how we feel or about praying wrong.  God wants to hear our hearts.  When we are sincere in our prayers, the Holy Spirit can (and will) step in and pray for us.  Sometimes, silence with God in those moments of brokenness is the perfect starting point. 

Other times, prayers can begin with tears.  This is when our hearts are hurting and not sure what even to ask for.  The Holy Spirit comes to the rescue and intercedes on our behalf.  When we are feeling too weak to even express our emotions, the Spirit, when we surrender to Him, will speak ‘with groans that words cannot express according to God’s will.’  Romans 8:26-27 

PRAYER IS OUR LIFE-LINE

Our prayer life is our life-line to the Father.  He already knows us and knows what we need, before we ever ask.  But He’s about relationship!  He wants us to be in communication —(to literally talk with Him), and stay in close contact with him, just like you would our spouse, child or best friend.  

As humans, a relationship can only grow with others when there is conversation and ‘getting to know each other better.’  It’s no different with God.  While God is God…as humans we need to not only initiate, but continually nurture communication with him in order to know him better.  

As we grow in our faith, and draw ever closer, we can totally ‘feel’ his presence when we pray.  Perhaps not always, but it does happen.

HAVE CONVERSATION WITH GOD

We need to focus on whom we are speaking to and pray with our whole heart, telling him how we feel, whether broken, challenged, or completely happy!  He wants to hear our voice!  It grows relationship!

There are times when you are angry, or don’t understand something or have things that leave you undone!  That’s okay!  He still wants to hear from you!  And by all means when you are happy, grateful, or filled with excitement, tell him!  It’s likely it took God’s hand to make any and all of that happen!

Reach out in prayer today.  It doesn’t need to be eloquent, or pretty!  Give him praise for all that’s good, let him know you’re glad he’s God; confess ways you’re aware you’ve failed, and share your heart about your needs and desires.  Just talk to him.  Allow the Holy Spirit to enable your heart, mind and soul to pour out your thoughts, and then listen to hear Him speak.

Photo Credit: Prayer

When Our Lives Face Pruning

  Gardening  is such a rewarding  event.  It's so satisfying to see the plants pop out of the brown desolate ground into tiny plants and into full grown producing ones.  Some of the agricultural crops we’ve grown, include pumpkin, watermelon, and tomatoes, all of which grow on vines, as well as the grapes, along the edge of our driveway.

CONNECTED TO THE VINE

Jesus talked about being connected to him is like being connected to a vine.  In fact, he said, he is the ‘Vine’ and we all would have to deal with pruning—-or even being ‘pruned’.

Being ‘pruned’ can be unsettling.  The idea of any part of us being ‘cut away’ seems threatening and uncomfortable.  We may face an ‘identity crisis’ as our self-perceptions, roles or titles are stripped away while our ‘new’ identity is being formed.

IDENTIFIERS

As a new widow, this resonates with me since for 51 years, I was identified with being my husband’s wife.  It’s who I was.  Now, in some ways, I feel myself floundering as I discover who it is God wants me to be, or what he wants me to do.  I want to stay in His will, and as the layers of my old identity are being peeled away, I find myself in a brand new place.

This requires waiting without clear direction.  I feel like I am in an ‘in-between’ place while I cling to all that I was or even still am, while the new vision is coming forth.  God is teaching me the new formula for my life, and it can be scary.

   

The loss of stability and comfort from the years of ‘normalcy’ is now no longer in view.  Everything is different. Yet I can feel myself growing.  It seems daily I face my ‘first year of firsts’.  My heart races and I cry as fear and grieving override what seems like good sense.  Yet, I know God is still ‘growing’ me.

HIDDEN DEEP WITHIN

My pendulum swings of emotions leads to confusion, discouragement or even feeling very alone and forgotten.  But waiting is a part of growth.  There’s a lot of ‘hidden’ growth required and completed, even when we can’t see the fruit, as demonstrated by the tiny seed being placed in the ground in early spring.  Growth isn’t immediate.  It comes after the seed is ready underground!

While I am waiting for the ‘new growth’ to finally, not only sprout, but grow strong and steady, I must rely on God during the wind and storms that batter me about.  Sometimes the ‘challenges’ make me stumble and fall over, feeling limp and weak.  Then the sunshine comes out again and I can feel the warmth of the Father who perks me up and allows me to continue to grow. 

I know that I can lift my eyes up toward the heavens and live my life with the single life source of Jesus.   But, it takes resolve, trust, nurturing from friends, family, and other Believers, as well as, a steady diet of His Word and prayer.

STILL GROWING

The pruning process is almost never described as ‘enjoyable.’  It’s often tedious, scary, intimidating, and a place most people choose not to be.  But different seasons of life, are designed for different patterns, people, places and events that will direct our lives.

As Believers clinging to the life giving Vine, we can trust that God only wants what is best for us.  If we are patient and wait, and especially allow Him to do the pruning we need, we will have growth and maturity that will bring the rewards of good fruit, we all want to see.

Photo Credit: Growing on the vine