My Friend

            My relationship with my children and husband differs only slightly with those I call my friends.  To see any friendship grow requires trust, attending to the little things, and honesty.  The perfect scenario is to have your best friend also your spouse.  This isn’t always the case, and women often need that unique connection with other women, which men sometimes don’t understand; although I believe if they were honest, enjoy “man to man” time, as well.

            When you think of your “best friend” where does your mind go?  Do you travel back to grade school or middle school?  Perhaps it was high school or college.  Or maybe you didn’t find that special friend you really called your “best friend” until you were older.  Do you think of the conversations when you shared your dreams, exchanged secrets, offered comfort or encouragement to a special person?  Perhaps you were the one who called with your heart breaking and needed someone to listen to you, and you had a compassionate friend who was there for you.  We’ve all had good friends and some of us have had the pleasure of a very special friend we even call our “best friend.”

            Friends are sometimes unlikely matches.  I have one friend who is so different from her best friend it seems surprising they can relate at all!  But a friendship goes beyond where you come from in society status, likenesses or differences of appearances, or the variance in finances.  A friendship which will last decades and through life changes, in both lives, requires an unspoken mutual agreement, allowing for growth, with an exceptional degree of honesty.  It requires keeping in touch regardless of the miles between you and listening honestly with your heart, without being judgmental while offering a trust the other can count on.

My friend tells the story of a time she shared something very personal with her husband something a relative had shared with her.  To my friend’s horror, her husband took it on himself to intervene in the situation.  Needless to say this break of confidence with the one person, her husband, she believed would never betray her trust, shattered any further confidences for a very long time and then only once her heart healed was able to move forward cautiously.  Not only did the relationship between husband and wife suffer, so did the relationship between my friend and her relative.  Trust is imperative in any relationship.

So it seems to me a key ingredient, and one that overlaps all categories, is trust.  Each area of my life, no matter what hat I wear or role I play, I must exhibit trust in various forms to allow any relationship to grow.  That said trust opens the door for all the other areas to bloom.  I can be honest, attend to the little things, be who I am without reservation, yet allow, appreciate and accept, where there are differences.   I reiterate my original question.  “If I could change one thing I am doing (or am not doing) now, that if done on a regular basis, would make a positive change in my personal relationship, what would it be?”  This question is applicable in all areas of your life. 

If you were to make a list of all the “hats you wear” or “all the people” you are in any given day, what/who would you be?   I am (not in any specific order since they often overlap!) wife, mother, Gran, friend, student, writer, “Princess” – my Father is a King!  -- housekeeper, cook…..  aunt, cousin, niece, sister, neighbor…… and the list, I am sure could be longer and granted, as mentioned some of these overlap.  But each of these roles offer a chance, and a responsibility, to nurture, encourage, strengthen, and support those around me.   

This week as you consider where you fit with friends, relatives, neighbors, in your work place or community, try to take the time to look at each person you know well, (in all the role areas) and see if you really do “know” them.  Are you aware of their likes or dislikes, styles, interests and maybe even their dreams?  Do you want to know?  Do you want the relationship to grow?  If you do, then ask yourself, “What is it I can do or not do on a regular basis, that would strengthen this relationship today?”