A Personal Prison

My friend shares the story of a childhood which included the knowledge, confirmed by her father and other relatives, that if her mother could have given her away at birth she would have done it.  Despite the knowledge, she usually kept a sunny attitude even though the relationship with her mom was strained, at best. 

My friend grew up, married and had a family of her own but realized she held a degree of anger and bitterness toward her mom.  She found there were times when the memory of rejection withered her spirit unlike anything else she’d known.  The effect of the rejection carried over into her adult life causing an intense desire of acceptance and expectations of herself.  It also created a need to be certain her own children never felt such pain and found herself over compensating from time to time even to the point of physical illness.  She discovered the only way she could give up the pain was to forgive; and that process had to be done through God.  Ultimately conversation was held with her mother and forgiveness was finally attained. They never grew into the ideal “mother-daughter” relationship, but they were friends and I’m certain both were grateful

  Our Pastor has been doing a series on forgiveness and I’ve found it exceptionally interesting.  Biblically, we are instructed to forgive not seven times, but seven times seventy.  When we don’t forgive, it is we who are kept in a personal “prison.”  It begins with a choice.  Even when we don’t “feel” like forgiving, as believers, we must.  There is comfort in knowing our emotions will eventually follow our actions, because we are being spiritually obedient. 

Forgiveness, the Pastor explains, is not forgetting.  Forgiveness is spiritual while forgetting is biological.  We won’t necessarily forget the pain we’ve endured, but with God we can spiritually forgive, creating an avenue where healing can begin to take place.  Forgiveness is also not ignoring, excusing or disregarding the wrongdoing; nor does it deny possible consequences.  There are often ramifications; sometimes depending on the situation, big ones!  There may be times when reconciliation takes a very long time, because forgiveness does not mean the “warm, fuzzy feelings” will return instantly.  A trust in some form has been violated.  It takes time and effort to rebuild trust. Sometimes counseling is necessary, maybe even for all parties involved.

It took a long time for my friend to even recognize forgiveness was necessary!  She didn’t realize the damage, both emotionally and physically, she was doing to herself by letting the pain seethe inside her.  After her mom passed away, I suspect when she looked back on her life and the relationship she had shared with her mom, she was especially grateful she released the power of anger and hurt when she did.  Once death has taken someone there is never the chance to make things right.

I challenge you this week, to consider if forgiveness is necessary in your life.  Do you need to forgive someone? Forgiveness allows you to move on in your life with new perspective. Ask God to enable you to set your heart at peace by offering forgiveness.  Do you need to be forgiven?  If you need to make something right with someone because you have been hurtful in some way, be obedient and consider going to that person to make things right.  Admit a wrong has been done and say I'm sorry.  This will free both of you from a life of further pain, and allow God’s grace to heal.