Grace Under Pressure

  A friend describes a relationship a relative has with a neighbor.  Over the years, they’d never been ‘friendly’ with each other, but there came a time when their lack of ‘friendliness’ escalated to disdain, over the treatment of her daughter, which gives questions to ‘can people just instinctively not like each other’?  

Their relationship became so volatile it nearly drove them to hiring lawyers against each other.  The story goes that while the issue was never resolved, that lawyers were never involved, but they very deliberately avoided each other.  They would choose to wait outside the building (like a post office) until the other came out and left, before they would enter, rather than risking ‘getting to close’,  if they needed to be in the same area.  They chose to never speak to each other, even to be polite, in any social gathering and refused to even attempt to understand the other.  

What makes people clash with each other, in the way my friend describes? Is it a personality conflict, just a person who chooses to be difficult, or something more?  When we stop and think about it, clearly someone is friends with both persons—although these ‘friends’ rarely cross over. They each have relatives, relationships, connections, and friends who would never see the side of them, that others see and tag them ‘disagreeable or difficult’.  

Separately they are likely level-headed, charming, kind and thoughtful in their personal spaces.  So what instigates such a hostile, different behavior between others?  

Often times you hear of this kind of thing in the work place whether it be a boss who is just difficult or a co-worker set out to make your life miserable.  But are they really?  Could it be this ‘difficult person’ was brought into our lives to teach us something about ourselves?  

As believers, we are taught we are supposed to love,  ——even loving the ‘unlovable person’.  This can be terribly challenging, even on our best days.  Our instincts go against it!  Instead of having a friendly, loving kind of feeling, we are feeling anger, frustration, a need to ‘thump’ someone, or lash out verbally.  Our hackles rise, heart rate (and likely blood pressure) rise and it feels like sand paper rubbing together.  The last thing we want to do is ‘deal with them’ in a kind, thoughtful way.  

Biblically we are taught that the world  doesn’t recognize believers by comfort or even agreement—-but in love.  When we love those who seem difficult, or broken or even abrasive, we are reflecting the light of Christ in ways that otherwise would be impossible.  

Could God be asking us to notice ---and ask ourselves what it is that makes the “difficult” person so hard to love?  Could we need to do some soul searching to see if our anger and hostility is misplaced; or if we are harboring feelings of jealousy or even superiority that God wants us to change?  It’s been said the thing that angers you most about another person is often something that resonates within yourself.  Perhaps that’s true, I really don’t know.

Maybe we are to see that we need to address humility in some way, or taught to show more grace or even patience.  Is God using difficult people to shape in us a Christlike heart?

      Difficult people leave us with several options.  We can freak out and want to challenge them on every level.  Or we could ignore them completely and theoretically no longer have an issue.  Or we could step back and observe them for a while and ask the hard questions.  Are we showing grace under pressure?  Am I being the kind, thoughtful person God has called me to be—-especially to the ‘difficult’ person, so he can see Christ in me?

Photo Credit: Neighbors Arguing 

Photo Credit: Neighbors being good neighbors 

Photo Credit: Love Your Neighbor 

Photo Credit: Love Difficult People